Music Memoirs: The Insurrection

As you loyal readers may have noticed, I've recently been participating in a weekly music meme from The Music Memoirs called Top Five on Friday. This week's topic was rather predictable, a two-part Valentine's Day derivative: Top Five Love Songs and Top Five Love Songs You Hate.

Okay, Part One is fine . . . if you happen to be married, dating, partnered, or otherwise attached, and not feeling useless and inadequate with the holiday.

I had a co-worker tell me a couple of weeks ago that I have an unusual taste for dysfunctional love songs. And he's right; I do have a special appreciation for songs about relationships that are, for whatever reason, less than ideal. So I've decided to put that particular spin on this week's entry. Without further ado, let me present:

Top Five Dysfunctional Love Songs

1. Close But No Cigar by Thomas Dolby
   "Some people sing love songs / Everybody's got one / This isn't my love song / It's more like my love-gone-wrong song." Pretty much says it all.
   
2. Cold Fire by Rush
   All about relationships built on unequal expectations and unequal commitment. Also includes an impressive bit of drumming by Neal Peart.
   
3. The Ghost of Sex and You by Mike + the Mechanics
   A haunting song about the ultimate futility of a rebound romance.
   
4. A Love So Beautiful by Roy Orbison
   One of the last songs he recorded before he died. Roy's unique voice captures perfectly the anguish of when a good relationship comes to an end and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
   
5. Now She'll Never Know by Marillion
   This could be the most depressing song I've ever heard. Gloriously miserable.
   

I will play the second half of the challenge straight, though:

Top Five Love Songs I Hate

1. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
   Dolly Parton's (original) version of this song is heartfelt, understated, and poignant. Whitney's remake is overblown, overproduced, passionless garbage. Quite possibly the worst cover of the last quarter-century.
   
2. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
   My heart will go on and on . . . and on . . . and on . . . and on . . . well, you get the idea.
   
3. A Reason to Believe by Rod Stewart
   This song probably sounds fine if you've never heard the version that Wilson Phillips included on their debut album. But I did, and I really liked it. Rod Stewart - who Phil Collins once described on Friday Night Videos as 'the man with only one good side' - just ruined it.
   
4. Don't Close Your Eyes by Kix
   Late 80's hair band/heavy metal balladry at its fingernails-on-chalkboard screeching worst. It might have been an okay song if they'd had a vocalist who could actually sing.
   
5. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You by Michael Bolton
   Please, is an explanation on this one even necessary?
   

So, that's my contribution for the week. But I'm not bitter....