Double Feature Friday

Part I: Friday's Feast
Friday's Feast for Friday the 13th of April, 2007:

Appetizer When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
I really don't recall. There's a pretty good chance it was green, though, so that's what I'm going to go with.

Soup On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
Probably 8½-9. We love where we are right now, but for the right job, I think we'd be willing to go just about anywhere.

Salad Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
Assuming (xxx) xxx-xxxx and xx/xx/xxxx formats for phone number and birthdate, 74.

Main Course Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
Yes, I'm a little ashamed to admit that we re-gifted a fruitcake that a friend had sent me home to Colorado with. We gave it to our neighbors across the road.

Dessert Name something you need from the store.
I need a new pair of shorts for our trip next week. "What trip," you ask? Stay tuned for more details....

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Part II: Top 5 On Friday
Top Five on Friday from The Music Memoirs:

Top five cheesiest and / or worst lyrics ever written
Note: I'm choosing not to include the works of artists who intentionally write awful and/or cheesy lyrics as part of their art (e.g., Weird Al, They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, etc.).

»"MacArthur Park" (Written by Jimmy Webb, sung by Richard Harris)
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

What is this song even about?!

»"Revolution 9" (John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
Number 9, number 9
Who's to know?
Who was to know?
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9
I sustained nothing worse than ...
Also, for example
Whatever you're doing
A business deal falls through
I informed him on the third night, when fortune gives...
People ride, people ride
Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9

John Lennon & Paul McCartney wrote some of the greatest songs in the history of rock.
This wasn't one of them.

»"If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body" by the Bellamy Brothers
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me?
If I swore you were an angel,
Would you treat me like the devil tonight?

And 30+ years later this is still being used as a cheesy pick-up line.

»"Cheeseburger In Paradise" by Jimmy Buffett
Heard about the old time sailor men,
They eat the same thing again and again;
Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead.
Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn.
But times have changed for sailors these days.
When I'm in port I get what I need;
Not just Havanas or banana or daiquiris,
But that American creation on which I feed!
Cheeseburger is paradise
Medium rare with mustard'd be nice
Not too particular, not too precise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

Okay, so the lyrics aren't all that cheesy, but the subject matter is. Yum!

»"You Never Even Call Me By My Name" (Written by Steve Goodman, sung by David Allan Coe)
[spoken]
Well, a friend of mine, Steve Goodman, wrote this song and he said it was the perfect country and western song. I wrote him back a letter and told him that it was not the perfect country-western song because he hadn't said anything at all about Momma, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me and, after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect country-western song, and I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here:
[sung]
I was drunk the day my mama got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got ran over by a damned old train.

Cheesy? Yes.
Intentionally cheesy? Yes.
Cheesy to the point of being a satiric statement on an entire genre? Oh, yes.