NMSC

 Biologically, humans are mammals. We have hair rather than feathers or scales. We have a constant body temperature. We bear live young rather than laying eggs. Mothers nurse their young with milk. All of the things that identify mammals apply to us.

Genetically, humans are primates. We are most closely related to apes and monkeys. That's not to say that we came from monkeys - that assertion indicates an insufficient understanding of natural selection, and even basic biology. It's that when we look at the genetics of monkeys and apes, they are remarkably similar to our own.

There is one big difference, though. Human beings have a capacity that has not been identified, at least to a consistent extent, in any other living creatures on Earth.

One name for this capacity is "Self-awareness". 

Having self awareness is pretty much exactly what it sounds like - and more. It is a realization of our own existence. It is the knowledge that each of us is a person, with thoughts, feelings, experiences, and potential of our own. Every person you see has their own life, their own story, and it's just as rich and complex as your own. 

But self-awareness is more than that. It is also a realization that your life is not just a collection of events that happen to you. It's not a conveyor belt of experiences that are yours alone and nobody else's business. Self-awareness is the realization that everyone else has their own events and experiences, and that they are as valid to them as your own are to you. 

Self-awareness, therefore, is the realization that life is not just a process. Life is a system that involves not just you, but everyone around you. It marks the beginning of seeing beyond yourself and understanding that you have a place in the greater pattern. It is the moment you make a deliberate choice to move beyond stimulus/response to the larger world of questioning, learning, and understanding.

With this understanding comes accountability. Actions and choices have consequences. Simple creatures are accountable only to themselves, and only for their own survival. But creatures who are self-aware understand that they are accountable to their communities as well - to their families, friend groups, classes, schools, and neighborhoods. They understand that their own actions help to create the world they live in. Life isn't something that just happens to you, something you experience without having any control over it. Life is what you choose to build, for yourself and for your communities.

Most humans begin to experience self-awareness in early adolescence, or even before. They are no longer egotistical (that is, driven only by their own ego). They have begun to understand that a living, thriving community is worth working together for.

But some children take longer to come to this realization. Not yet understanding the greater responsibilities - and greater rewards - of being part of a larger community, they continue to act only to satisfy their own urges, to gratify their own ego. They engage in behaviors that can be disruptive to the larger community, and which are ultimately self-destructive.

There are many different names and classifications for such behaviors. Let me tell you mine:

Middle School Crap.

And I don't tolerate Middle School Crap in my classroom.

You aren't young children any more. You are closer to adulthood than you realize (Heaven help us all). So part of your experience in my class will be learning how to behave more like adults, how to recognize your place in our community, and how to make the community better. When you ignore your budding self-awareness - that is, when you choose to behave like a child instead of as part of a community - you will be corrected. You probably won't like it. You're not supposed to like it. You're supposed to learn from it. That's the whole point. 

I will provide you with as many learning opportunities as you require. 

Greater demonstrations of Middle School Crap will, of necessity, require greater correction. As an old bishop of my acquaintance was fond of saying, "The Band-Aid has to be bigger than the wound." 

Having said all of that, there is one more important thing for you to consider: I will not slow down the pace of the class while you learn to practice self-awareness. I won't penalize the students who are already committed to building a learning community in this classroom while you engage in close combat with your own ego. If you are unable to realize your own self-awareness - i.e., if you don't figure out how to grow up - you'll get left behind.

Catching up on what you miss will be your own responsibility. There are helpful resources like Flex Time available. But it will be up to you to figure out what you need to do, and then to actually do it.

I refuse to surrender the learning of the other 37 students in my classroom to placate the part of you that never left 8th grade.

That is the expectation for this class, clear and direct and unambiguous. 

Follow it, and you will have a great year. You will emerge as a better student, a better scientist, and a better human being.

Fight it, and ultimately you'll discover - too late! - that you've only been fighting yourself.

Choose wisely - every day.

tl;dr version: No Middle School Crap in this classroom. 

Washer: Threat, or Menace?

 Today I resisted the urge to reprogram our washer's motherboard with a pickaxe.

I was already feeling frustrated due to an hour of trying to help someone with homework who was actively resisting any and every attempt to help them. Yes, I know that's my job. And that's the thing. I get paid to do that. It bugs me that after spending a whole day doing it, I have to come home and do it for free.

Anyway, I brought the Penguin downstairs to get her in bed. No big deal. Then I go to check on a load of laundry in the washer.

I load that's been there for over 24 hours now. Not because I've forgotten or neglected it. Because the washer won't finish it.

The load consists of one new king size blanket, one largish throw blanket, and one jacket. That's all. I started the load last night before I went to bed.

I checked it this morning. Everything was soaking wet. It hasn't completed the spin cycle. I didn't have time to fight with it at that moment because I had to get to the aforementioned job where I spend most of Mondays and Wednesdays trying to communicate information to freshmen whose commitments to their current levels of understanding rival, and sometimes, I must confess, even surpass my commitment to make them aware of a world beyond their screens. So I left it.

When I got home, I eventually made my way downstairs and set the washer to the "Drain and Spin" setting. Do you know what that setting does? I thought I did. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I took the existing load out of the dryer and got it sorted and delivered. Then I checked the washer, and it was still running. So I went on to other concerns. When I checked back, the load was done. I should have taken the victory there. But, I said to myself, it's been sitting here, mainly in an ambiguous wet state, for nearly 24 hours. Maybe I'll just run it through a quick wash cycle to make sure it's clean.

Boy, was that dumb. 

Because when I checked on it a bit later, it was soaking wet. Again. So I did the "Drain and Spin" thing. Again. And after I got the Penguin in bed, I checked the washer. The clothes were soaking wet. Again.

So I took yet another deep breath and restarted the "Drain and Spin" cycle, fully expecting that that's what the washer would actually do.

Nope.

A few moments later I was in the bathroom adjacent to the laundry room and I heard a tattletale sound: the washer filling.

Are you {borderline inappropriate gerund} kidding me right now?!

The control on the dryer is clearly marked "Drain and Spin", not "Drain and Refill and Spin". The whole problem was trying to get out the water that was already in there! Why the {unsavory noun/location} would I want to put MORE water in it?

Who programmed this thing, Uncle Screwtape?

So I did the only thing I could think to do: I stopped the thrice-accursed contraption and squeezed (squoze? Is that even a word?) the jackets and blankets out by hand. It was woefully inadequate. They were all still excessively wet when I finished, but I didn't care. I put them into the dryer anyway. It'll probably take four or five cycles to get them completely dry, but what else was I going to do? We just got back from a trip. I can't put off everything else we need to wash for a coat and a couple of blankets. For all I know, it might take three more days before that {mild profanity} washer actually gets it right. 

So now I lay me down to sleep. I fear the Whirlpool-inspired phantasms that will almost certainly haunt my slumber. 

Today's E-Mail Treasure

 I got this e-mail from the parent of one of my new students today:

Hi Sir, 

Help me understand what transpired today that you refused to allow my student {name redacted} into your classroom. 

My response:

He arrived late to class, so the door was shut while we completed the starter activity. There was a sign on the door that asked him to wait 5 to 7 minutes to be admitted once the starter was complete. When I opened the door, he was gone.

I feel like this should resolve the issue.

I also feel about 67% confident that I have not heard the last from this parent on the issue.

But I've been wrong before. I could get lucky.

But next week is Parent Teacher Conferences, so....

The Dog and the Scorpion

 Once upon a time a dog was walking along the bank of a river, looking for a good place to swim across. As he entered the water, he heard a voice nearby. "Hey, can I ride on your back across the river? I need to get over there too."

The dog looked around until he found the source of the voice. It was a scorpion.

"Absolutely not," the dog replied. "If I let you onto my back, you'll sting me along the way and I'll drown."

"No I won't," the scorpion retorted. "Why would I do that? I would drown, too. That wouldn't make sense. Here, just help me across. Everything will be fine."

They talked for a few moments and eventually, against his better judgment, the dog was persuaded to allow the scorpion to climb into his back. They entered the river and quickly made their way across.

Then, just as the dog started to climb out of the water, the scorpion stung him.

Feeling the venom spread.through his body, the dog could only watch as the scorpion easily jumped to shore. "Why?" the dog cried. "Why would you do this? I helped you!"

The scorpion just shrugged. "You knew what I was when you let me climb on your back." And the dog sank beneath the water while the scorpion went on with his day.

It's Just A Joke

 A man in Moscow walks up to a newsstand one morning and says, "One copy of Pravda, please." The stand keeper takes his money and gives him the paper. The man then scrutinizes the front page and then throws the paper away.

The man comes back to the newsstand again the next morning and again buys a copy of Pravda. Again he reads only the front page and throws the newspaper away. He does the same for eight more days.

On the eleventh morning when he buys his paper, the stand keeper's curiosity get the best of him. He asks him, "What are you doing? Why do you read only the front page and then throw the newspaper away?"

The man replies, "I am looking for the obituaries."

The stand keeper tells him, "Comrade, the obituaries are not on the front page."

The man just smiles. "The one I'm looking for will be "

Woke

WARNING: RANT MODE ON

I am sick nigh unto death of how often I've heard the word "Woke" these last several days. Mother of Hades, every right-leaning commentator, celebrity, and would-be social media influencer has been throwing the word around indiscriminately, like medieval peasants sowing grain  It's become what I call an Inigo Montoya word: I don't think it means what you think it means. And I'm just done. 

Now, let me be clear: I'm no expert in the ways of politics. As I'm fond of telling my students, "I'm not a political scientist. I'm an ACTUAL scientist." And part of what that means is that I'm interested in facts, and that I care about objective reality. 

But facts are hard. Reality is what it is, not what we might want it to be or what that AM radio talk show host might tell us it is. Facts are facts, and facts matter.

So when charlatans and shysters try to sidestep facts and deflect reality by calling someone or something "woke", it gets on my nerves.

So, what does the word "woke" really mean? I've come to a couple of conclusions. One or more of these might be right, or they may all be wrong together. As I said, I'm no expert.

1. "Woke" doesn't mean anything. It's just a trigger word meant to rile up the base. Call something or someone "woke", and the MAGA faithful won't be able to line up behind you fast enough. 

1a. "Woke" doesn't mean anything. It's a word crafted to frighten children and imbeciles and inflame demagogues. And it works really, really well.

2. "Woke" means "Something the speaker/writer doesn't like", or perhaps more appropriately, "Something the talking head on Fox News told the speaker/writer they shouldn't like". 

3. "Woke" describes some idea or practice that threatens the power, position, and/or masculinity of straight white evangelical Christian males and the social and historical constructs that support them.

4. "Woke" means something that only a socialist, Commie, Marxist, or libtard Democrat would support, and that every red-blooded God-fearing patriotic American should abhor unquestioningly. 

Whichever or whether any of these are true, this much I have learned from observation: Use of the word "Woke" pretty much always reveals more about the person using it than about who or what they're trying to describe. 

So as far as I'm concerned, if one insists on using the word "Woke", they've said less than nothing at all. 

And let me be bluntly honest: Whenever I hear someone using the word "Woke", especially in the context of some politically-charged commentary, I'm probably going to stop analyzing what they're saying and skip directly to the part when I'm convinced that they have no idea what they're talking about. 

Maybe that's wrong. But if that's the case, that's fine. I don't want to be right. 

/END RANT MODE

Love People? Really?

 And the Lord said to me, "I really need you to love people."

And I said, "Ughh. People are so annoying."

And the Lord said, "They are my children."

And I said, "That doesn't make them lovable. They're still annoying."

And the Lord said, "You are my child, and I love you—today, tomorrow, and always."

And I said, "Yeah, but I'm not annoying. I'm a delight."

And the Lord raised an eyebrow at me.

And I said, "Yeah, okay, that's fair. I'll work on it."