Washer: Threat, or Menace?

 Today I resisted the urge to reprogram our washer's motherboard with a pickaxe.

I was already feeling frustrated due to an hour of trying to help someone with homework who was actively resisting any and every attempt to help them. Yes, I know that's my job. And that's the thing. I get paid to do that. It bugs me that after spending a whole day doing it, I have to come home and do it for free.

Anyway, I brought the Penguin downstairs to get her in bed. No big deal. Then I go to check on a load of laundry in the washer.

I load that's been there for over 24 hours now. Not because I've forgotten or neglected it. Because the washer won't finish it.

The load consists of one new king size blanket, one largish throw blanket, and one jacket. That's all. I started the load last night before I went to bed.

I checked it this morning. Everything was soaking wet. It hasn't completed the spin cycle. I didn't have time to fight with it at that moment because I had to get to the aforementioned job where I spend most of Mondays and Wednesdays trying to communicate information to freshmen whose commitments to their current levels of understanding rival, and sometimes, I must confess, even surpass my commitment to make them aware of a world beyond their screens. So I left it.

When I got home, I eventually made my way downstairs and set the washer to the "Drain and Spin" setting. Do you know what that setting does? I thought I did. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I took the existing load out of the dryer and got it sorted and delivered. Then I checked the washer, and it was still running. So I went on to other concerns. When I checked back, the load was done. I should have taken the victory there. But, I said to myself, it's been sitting here, mainly in an ambiguous wet state, for nearly 24 hours. Maybe I'll just run it through a quick wash cycle to make sure it's clean.

Boy, was that dumb. 

Because when I checked on it a bit later, it was soaking wet. Again. So I did the "Drain and Spin" thing. Again. And after I got the Penguin in bed, I checked the washer. The clothes were soaking wet. Again.

So I took yet another deep breath and restarted the "Drain and Spin" cycle, fully expecting that that's what the washer would actually do.

Nope.

A few moments later I was in the bathroom adjacent to the laundry room and I heard a tattletale sound: the washer filling.

Are you {borderline inappropriate gerund} kidding me right now?!

The control on the dryer is clearly marked "Drain and Spin", not "Drain and Refill and Spin". The whole problem was trying to get out the water that was already in there! Why the {unsavory noun/location} would I want to put MORE water in it?

Who programmed this thing, Uncle Screwtape?

So I did the only thing I could think to do: I stopped the thrice-accursed contraption and squeezed (squoze? Is that even a word?) the jackets and blankets out by hand. It was woefully inadequate. They were all still excessively wet when I finished, but I didn't care. I put them into the dryer anyway. It'll probably take four or five cycles to get them completely dry, but what else was I going to do? We just got back from a trip. I can't put off everything else we need to wash for a coat and a couple of blankets. For all I know, it might take three more days before that {mild profanity} washer actually gets it right. 

So now I lay me down to sleep. I fear the Whirlpool-inspired phantasms that will almost certainly haunt my slumber.