Random Insults

I don't know why, but I've had insults going through my head this evening. I don't use insults frequently ... not in earnest, anyway, and certainly not as frequently as I could. Here are some of my favorites.

"If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards." -Max Klinger, M*A*S*H

He's a halogen. (i.e., one electron short of a full shell.)

Comment: "I was being ironic."
Retort: "No, you were being sarcastic. But it is ironic that you don't know the difference."

A couple of standard deviations off the mean.

"Scientifically speaking, it is because you are a spazzy, beetle-headed doofus with the intellect of a mule hoof that I have not yet succeeded in taking over the world." -The Brain (to Pinky)

Lady Astor: "Winston, you are drunk."
Winston Churchill: "Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober."

Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Couldn't find his own backside with both hands and a bloodhound.

The Alcalde: "You are becoming clumsy, are you not, my friend?"
Zorro: "To be your friend, I would have to be more than clumsy. I would have to be stupid."

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful." -Jimmy Buffett

Sailboat fuel for brains.

(Let me also recommend a look at Michael's Wacky Insult Page for the curious.)