Son of Friday's Feast

Friday's Feast, 1 July 2005.

Appetizer Where do you plan to go on vacation this year, or where would you want to go?
'Vacation' for me is most likely to mean going back to Colorado for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, though the family has developed a tradition of meeting in Montana for Thanksgiving recently.

Soup What color is your bedroom? If you could redecorate it, what would you change?
For some inexplicable reason, whoever painted this room the last time chose a particularly uninspired shade of military olive drab. I'm a fan of flat white paint for the bedroom, myself.

Salad Do you have a bumper sticker on your vehicle? What does it say?
I have exactly one bumper sticker. It looks like a Colorado license plate and says "Native". No, I'm not from Utar, thank you very much.

Main Course What's the worst pain you've ever been in?
Getting divorced last year comes most immediately to mind.

Dessert Who is your favorite celebrity? What do they do that inspires you?
Most celebrities don't inspire me at all. They do little or nothing for the benefit of society as a whole; they seem only to care about their own fame and whatever pet project happens to have caught their interest at the moment. Even if they are involved in some sort of 'cause', it's usually just promoting a political agenda that ultimately benefits them as much as anyone else. By and large, celebrities are as useless as a chocolate teapot. Most of them couldn't find the real world with both hands and a bloodhound.

The people who inspire me are real people who work hard to make it in the real world despite obstacles that celebrities only pretend to overcome in movies and on TV.

For a more eloquent explanation, see the lyrics to Rush's Nobody's Hero.

Big Bad Bird

What military aircraft are you? F/A-22 Raptor You are an F/A-22. You are technologically inclined, and though you've never been tested in combat, your very name is feared. You like noise, but prefer not to pollute any more than you have to. And you can move with the best.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Yeah, I don't know what this result means. But at least I'm not a U2.

Peer Pressure

Come on, you know you want to. Everybody's doing it.

Don't Eat the Menu

Last night, I got the following comment from Joe White concerning my opinion on the proposed Constitutional amendment to protect the flag:

You miss the point. The ammendment is about giving congress the right to decide whether or not to ban flag burning. The Supreme Court over-stepped their bounds when they handed down their decision in '89 and congress simply wants to correct the mistake. Congress should be making the laws, not the courts. This is the constitutional, correct thing to do. I seriously doubt that flag-burning will be banned. Besides, if it is, we are only talking about a fine for desecrating the flag. This whole thing is not about banning flag burning. It's about restoring congress's constitutional duty.

Newton's Third Law applies to politics as well as science: For every opinion, there is an equal and opposite criticism. As it should be.

Several years ago, my friend Wendy Kay gave me perhaps the best advice I've ever received: "I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to." So, in the spirit of explanation rather than argument, let me address this comment and point out where I disagree with his assessment.

The ammendment is about giving congress the right to decide whether or not to ban flag burning.
This point is well made. Strictly speaking, the amendment itself does not grant any protection to the flag, it just gives Congress the right to do so. And who knows? By the time this amendment is ratified, if ever, we may have a more liberal Congress in place that will laugh the idea right out of Washington. You never know.

[C]ongress simply wants to correct the mistake.
It's no surprise that the Supreme Court sometimes makes controversial, unpopular, baffling, and even potentially disastrous decisions. (See: Domain, Eminent.) But I'm not convinced that the 1989 decision was one of them. If there were legal precedents in existence that would have made that decision a 'mistake', I'm interested in knowing what they are. I hope that the use of the word 'mistake' in this context is not just another way of saying "a decision with which I personally disagree" - or worse, "a decision with which my political party disagrees".

The Supreme Court over-stepped their bounds when they handed down their decision in '89....Congress should be making the laws, not the courts.
It is true that Congress should make the laws, not the courts. This is the way the Constitution spells things out. But the duty of the Supreme Court is to determine whether laws made by the Congress are in harmony with the supreme law of the land, the Constitution. The 1989 decision did not 'make a law' legalizing the burning of flags; it simply affirmed that such a right already existed under the provisions of the First Amendment. So in this case, I don't think the Supreme Court overstepped their bounds at all.

I seriously doubt that flag-burning will be banned.
I hope that you're right. But why take the chance?

The problem I have with this proposed amendment is the precedent it sets. If such an amendment is ultimately ratified, it will subtly weaken and devalue the First Amendment. It will say, in effect: "Freedom of expression is protected by the law - unless it involves the United States flag." I see this as the beginning of a slippery slope. It could, at least in theory, lead to things like: "Freedom of worship is protected by the law - unless you belong to an unpopular church." Of course, that's highly unlikely. This is America, and such a thing could never happen here.

Oh, wait. It already did. (See: Carthage, Illinois; Boggs, Lilburn W.; Extermination Order; Mormon migration; et. al.)

[W]e are only talking about a fine for desecrating the flag.
I don't care. I don't care if it's 'only' a fine (as opposed to what, jail time?), or if the fine is 'only' a dollar. This is the United States of America, and people here should not be fined for expressing their opinions - even if they are unpopular, even if they involve defacing a flag. Didn't our ancestors leave their former countries to get away from that sort of treatment?

Where this issue is concerned, I am reminded of the teachings of Mormon leader Joseph Smith: "We believe....that the civil magistrate should restrain crime, but never control conscience; should punish guilt, but never suppress the freedom of the soul." (Doctrine and Covenants 134:4)

Symbols play an important role in our lives. They help us to wrap our heads around big, important concepts. Symbology abounds in art, science, literature, scripture (for those so inclined), and even politics. But a symbol is not the same as what it represents. The symbol '$' represents money, as we all know. Any kid on the street can tell you that. But '$' is not actually money.

It is critical that we do not mistake a symbol for what it represents. In other words, don't eat the menu.

The American flag is the symbol of a great nation. It symbolizes freedoms and liberties and opportunities unparalleled in world history. I see the flag, it reminds me of the liberty and the prosperity that I enjoy. I walk a little taller when I see it, and I get a little angry when I see it abused.

But grand as it is, and as inspiring as it is to see it, the flag is only a symbol. It is not the flag itself that needs to be protected; it is the liberty represented by that flag that we should seek to protect. Even if the flag itself pays some of the price for that liberty.

So no, as Joe points out, This whole thing is not about banning flag burning. But neither do I think that It's about restoring congress's constitutional duty. Congress' duty is to make laws, and they do it just fine. For my money, Congress makes more laws annually than any three developed countries are ever likely to need. To me, this whole issue is about preserving the freedoms that are guaranteed by the supreme law of our nation, the Constitution. We may not like the way some people choose to exercise that freedom, but as long as they are not interfering with the rights of others to exercise their freedoms, there should be no law prohibiting what they do.

Even if it's burning a flag.

Feelin' Artsy

Last weekend was the Utah Arts Festival. I attend this event every couple of years or so, usually if I have friends who are going and want company. This year, though, I attended as a volunteer for The Leonardo.

The Leonardo is going to be an arts, culture, and science center in the heart of Salt Lake City. For those who may have been to the Pacific Science Center in Seattle or San Francisco's Exploratorium, it will be something like that but with a greater emphasis on the arts. The Leonardo is actually composed of three different organizations: the Center for Documentary Arts, Global Artways (a local arts education program), and the Utah Science Center.

The Leonardo was pretty much born in the November 2003 election. Salt Lake voters approved a $10 million bond to renovate the old main city library and create an interactive learning center for the arts and sciences. The bond will not be released, however, until private matching funds are raised. The organization is about 80% of the way to accomplishing that. So, if any of you educationally-minded readers just happen to have an extra $2 million sitting around....

Anyway, I got to the Library Square (where the Arts Festival is held each year) at around 11:30 on Thursday morning. My shift was from noon to four, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get there early. Nor was I mistaken. Whitney, the new volunteer coordinator, had me putting stuff together for the booth right away. We had everything in place when people started wandering in around 12:15.

I shared the shift with two other volunteers. One of them was a girl who's getting her Masters degree in meteorology at the U. The other was a friend of hers from her undergrad days in Illinois; he now lives in New Orleans, but happened to be visiting. Nice people, both of them. They were leaving the next day for Yellowstone, which made me wish I could go up there for a weekend. Or on a cruise to Alaska, where Mom and Dad, Mikayla, Granny, Aunt Anne, and Uncle Daryl have been for the past week or so. But I digress.

We watched the booth for about four hours, with our biggest challenges being shifting winds and long stretches of time with nobody in particular to talk to. We spoke to about four truly interested people per hour, I guess. It wasn't entirely unexpected, being the opening of the first day of the Festival (and the middle of a weekday to boot). We got maybe ten people signed up on the e-mail update list for future events, and four people signed up as potential volunteers. And I learned a lot about what's coming, which is cool.

Our booth was located close enough to one of the stages that we could hear some of the musical acts performing. Linh (the guy visiting from N'awlins) and I took a couple of minutes to listen to one of the bands, a local group named Crenshaw. They described their music as 'alterna-funk'. They have a very catchy sound, and the trumpet player and bass player (an instrument for which I have a particular appreciation) can both really groove. I should be getting the CD from Amazon any day now. After my shift, I also got to listen to a group called Salty Frogs. They described themselves as 'high-energy Celtic rock-n-roll fusion'. That was a pretty good description, I think; we were also collectively reminded of Blues Traveler. Unfortunately, I can find neither a web site nor a CD for them.

Around 4:30, it was showing signs that it was about to rain. And by 4:35, it was raining hard enough to make me forget I was living in the middle of the barren desert. The festival went into rain-delay mode, with booth operators closing their flaps and moving their less waterproof wares undercover. As for me, I had grabbed a plate of rice, beans, and tortillas from the Red Iguana booth and made my way into the dining pavilion before the rain got bad. The skies cleared up after about twenty minutes, though, and by 5:00 it was back to the regularly scheduled festivities.

I took the opportunity to wander around and look at the various exhibits. There was some really impressive stuff there. Pottery, paintings, crafts, jewelry, all kinds of things. I particularly liked one booth that was selling ceramic tiles with quotes or sayings carved into them, my favorite of which read: "I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there, and I wouldn't want to have to see you every day." I'm going to have to remember to bring some cash with me to this thing one of these years.

Not all of the offerings were impressive, though. There was a lot that was uninspired, overdone, or just plain gaudy. Monstrous sculptures of rusty welded metal, 'found' art, chairs made from disused skis, and battery-powered knickknacks that looked like leftovers from my mom's woodworking days were among some of the more unpleasant offerings. I'm no art critic, but I something hideous when I see it. And yes, I realize that the 'artists' make a living selling this stuff—but I can't imagine it's a very good living. Jon, if you're reading this, you really need to get down here and set up a booth next year. Your work is orders of magnitude better than a lot of this schlock.

I took off at about 6:30, but not until after I had seen a performance of Project Bandaloop, a performing troupe that combines dance with aerobatics. In short, they rappelled off the roof of the new library and used the four-story glass wall as a stage. Once I got used to the 90º shift in perspective, it was quite impressive. It was like modern dance in low gravity. It was definitely worth sticking around for.

So, that's what I was doing last Thursday. If I'm still around next summer, I'll probably do it again.

SML4: Not So Fast, My Friend...

This week, I suppose, represents what stock people euphemistically refer to as a 'market correction'. Four of my five stocks are down from last week:

Aetna: -0.90 to 82.16
Barnes & Noble: -1.28 to 37.58
Motorola: +0.34 to 18.55
Safeway: -0.11 to 23.22
Lockheed Martin: -1.15 to 64.66

Naturally, I was not pleased by this news. Who would have guessed that my one and only tech stock would be the only one to go up every week? Even with these losses, though, I'm still a little ahead of where I started.

Aetna: +2.41 (+3.02%)
Barnes & Noble: -0.61 (-1.60%)
Motorola: +0.81 (+4.57%)
Safeway: +0.70 (+3.11%)
Lockheed Martin: -1.55 (-2.38%)
Overall Value: $101,323.46 (+1.33)
S&P 500 Index: 1191.57 (-0.37%)

So, despite this week's setback, the end result is that I've managed to stay ahead overall, even though the market has dipped slightly. I suppose I can't complain about that.

It's Sad, Really

» 'Mother's Day' too offensive? Campus administrator says newsletter reference must be 'Parent's Day'

» New York City Invokes Eminent Domain to Acquire New Jersey

Only one of these two news stories is a hoax. And it's not the one about Mother's Day.

Pathetic.

Respect

Given Derek's comments about a Constitutional amendment to prohibit desecrating the American flag, I thought I'd put in my two cents' worth.

I consider myself a patriotic American. I think that burning, defacing, or otherwise debasing the flag is wrong. I think it's disrespectful, both to the men and women who died for our country, and to those of us who revere it as a symbol of a great (if occasionally flawed) nation. I think that defacing the flag is ungrateful, hypocritical, rude, and often downright vulgar. I think that people who burn flags are wasting their time, and that with a little effort and creativity, they could find something productive to do. It makes me angry to see people burning, mocking, or otherwise disrespecting the flag. To be quite honest, I wish that the flag enjoyed as much protection as pornography does.

But does that mean that there should be a Constitutional amendment to prevent these practices? No. The precedent set by such an amendment is too dangerous. If we start making exceptions to the Bill of Rights—even to protect something as worthy as the flag of our nation—I think that we open the door for future losses of freedom that we cannot now imagine.

Regardless of how much I/we may dislike it personally, the fact is that the Constitution guarantees (or should guarantee) us the right to be disrespectful, ungrateful, hypocritical, rude, vulgar, and all the rest. Even where the flag is concerned. And I'm not alone in this opinion. The United States Supreme Court has already made that clear on multiple occasions.

I don't like the practice of burning the flag, and I don't support those who do it. But I acknowledge their Constitutional right to do so. In high school, I learned the following quote attributed to Voltaire: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

It's in situations like this that this quote begins to mean something.

So I will continue to display my flag proudly, and I will continue to wear flag-logo clothing on special occasions. And I will continue to cringe when I see or read about someone burning a flag, or urinating on it, or flying it upside-down in protest of a political leader or policy they don't like. That is my conscience. Other people have their own consciences, and under the Constitution, they can exercise them as they see fit.

Without that, the flag loses some of its meaning.

--

While we're on the subject, I invite my reader(s) to take a look at an article by David Morris titled The Blasphemy of Flag Worship. I think he makes some good points, one of which is the following:

The contention that flag worship is blasphemy was a key element before the Supreme Court in 1940. In that case it upheld the right of a Pennsylvania school district to expel two students who refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. The two teenagers were members of the Jehovah's Witness denomination. Their church believed that pledging allegiance to the flag violated the Biblical admonition (Exodus 20:4-5) against worshipping or bowing down to any graven image of God. The court decided that the need for national security and national unity allowed Congress to force individuals to violate the Ten Commandments.

In 1943, the Supreme Court reversed its 1940 decision. That reversal probably had less to do with religion than with the Court's realization that, at the height of a war against totalitarian regimes, a central feature of which was a slavish devotion to national symbols, compelling us to worship the flag was inapt.

I don't know that I agree with the author's assessment that the flag has become an object of worship, but as a Christian, I find it interesting to think about.

Return of Friday's Feast

Friday's Feast, 24 June 2005.

Appetizer What time do you usually wake up each day? If you could choose your wake-up time, when would it be?
My body usually wakes me up between 6:30 and 7:15 each morning. And that's generally okay; it fits well with my work, school, and church schedules. But there is the occasional morning when I wish I could sleep until 9:00 or so.

Soup When was the last time you bought groceries? What store did you go to? Name 3 things you purchased.
I went shopping at the local Dan's Foods store on Tuesday morning. I bought some bread, as well as some canned mushrooms and an onion for a recipe I was making.

Salad How many books have you read so far this year? Which was your favorite and why?
Reading? You mean for recreation? Sounds like fun. Most of my reading this year has been textbooks.

Main Course What is something you consider to be very elegant? In particular, what about that item/place/person conjures up the feeling of elegance?
I have a friend that I always think looks very elegant. It's mostly in the way she dresses, very classy and always very modest. But a lot of it is the way she carries herself, too. She's very confident but not a showoff. That strikes me as very elegant.

Dessert Who taught you how to drive?
My parents, and I want to say it was mostly my dad. He was the one that ultimately made the decision that we (my brother and I) needed to learn to drive. Here's the story:

We were loading dirt into the pickup one day when I was about 11, and he told me to move the truck to a different spot. It was a 1976 International Harvester pickup with a really stiff manual transmission. I'd never driven it (or anything else) before. He told me to let up on the clutch as I pushed down on the gas. I tried three different times and killed it each time. Dad then yelled at me to get out and told Aaron (then 8) to do it. He did, and got it on the first try. Unfortunately, since we had backed up to a little berm to get the dirt, it was still in reverse. The pickup lurched backwards into the side of the hill and bent the open tailgate down around the rear bumper. Aaron and I both thought Dad was going to blow up. Instead, he just stared at the scene for a second, then said in a soft voice, "Well, I guess I should teach you how to drive." Out first lesson, drawn in an H-shaped diagram in the dirt next to the berm, was how the gears were laid out in a manual transmission, i.e., how to tell if the last driver had left the truck in reverse.

SML3: Movin' On Up

Another week has come and gone on the virtual trading floor, and I have new stock information. Here are the changes from last week:

Aetna: +1.20 to 88.06
Barnes & Noble: +0.52 to 38.86
Motorola: +0.15 to 18.21
Safeway: +0.49 to 23.33
Lockheed Martin: -0.49 to 64.66

Overall, my portfolio now looks like this:

Aetna: +3.31 (+4.15%)
Barnes & Noble: +0.67 (+1.75%)
Motorola: +0.47 (+2.65%)
Safeway: +0.81 (+3.60%)
Lockheed Martin: -0.40 (-0.61%)
Overall Value: $102,292.41 (+2.30%)

In this two-week period, the S&P 500 index has risen 1.75%. So, despite the drop in Lockheed Martin, I'm still ahead of the market. Diversity is a good thing.

So far, so good. Can I continue to make money with this quirky collection of stocks? Tune in next week to find out.

Friday's Feast: The Next Generation

Friday's Feast, 17 June 2005.

Appetizer What's one word or phrase that you use a lot?
There are actually two phrases that I've noticed, both having to do with the concept of 'fun':
"More fun that a bucket of live squid."
"Not as much fun as, say, a good solid kick in the head."

Soup Name something you always seem to put off until the last minute.
Homework. I should be doing some right now, actually.

Salad What was the last great bumper sticker you saw?
"Democratic women are the life of the Party."

Main Course If you could be invisible for one day, how would you spend your time?
I'd go somewhere, maybe downtown, and just observe people going about their day-to-day business. I always find people-watching fascinating—even if it occasionally makes me question the future of our species.

Dessert Describe your hair.
Didn't we do this one before? I think we did. Anyway, I'll bite. I have (mostly) brown hair in a very white-bread, 'parted down the right side, off the ears, short in the back' sort of haircut.

SML: Week 2

After returning from the festivities on Monday, I made my way to the library to see how my virtual portfolio was doing. Here’s what I found out about my stocks:

Aetna: +2.11 to 81.86 (+2.65%)
Barnes & Noble: +0.15 to 38.34 (+0.39%)
Motorola: +0.32 to 18.06 (+1.80%)
Safeway: +0.32 to 22.84 (+1.42%)
Lockheed Martin: +0.09 to 65.15 (+0.14%)

All told, my portfolio rose 1.28%, gaining $1275.84 in value. The market in general (as measured by the S&P 500 index) rose 0.17%, so my portfolio beat the performance of the market handily.

I’d be excited about this, except for three things:
1. The performance of stocks over a one week period means precisely jack;
2. In a 100 meter race, it doesn’t matter who wins the first 10 meters, only the last 10—and I’m not obsessed with winning anyway; and
3. It’s not my money.

Still, it’s fun to know that, for this week, at least, I seem to have done something right.

Mission Accomplished

As noted below, I was out of town last weekend. Now I can tell you why.

Earlier this month, my mother retired after 30+ years as an elementary- and middle-school teacher. My brother Aaron and one of mom's closest co-workers had been planning a surprise party since early spring, and this weekend was the occasion. I went home to be part of the big surprise.

I got on the bus half a block down the street from my house at 5:48 a.m. on Friday to make my way to the Greyhound station downtown.⁰⁰¹ I got to the station right at 6:30, which is when the baggage check counter opens. There were more than a dozen people already in line, and one person at the counter. Actually, there were two different lines, so I got in the one he was actually servicing. Naturally, as soon as I did this, he moved to the other line.

After about five minutes of this, one of the passengers near the front of the now unattended line managed to get his attention and ask when he was going to get back to us. He said that someone else was coming. I asked, not quite under my breath, "Is he coming before my bus leaves?" He didn't hear me, but the two girls in from of me did, and immediately agreed. As it turns out, they were both headed to Fort Collins as well. Both were students at Colorado State. One of them had been traveling around the West for 26 days or something, and had met the other by chance in San Francisco, so now they were traveling together.⁰¹⁰ We chatted for a few minutes; one of them was a chemistry major, which I found interesting, and the other was a communications major. Just in case you're curious, Derek, she had never had one of your classes, but she knew who you were and had heard very favorable things about you from other students. It appears you're going to be missed.

Well, the promised other person did show up several minutes later, and I got my suitcase checked. I got into the boarding line, did the whole "show Security your carry-on" thing, and was on the bus and on the road by 7:30 as scheduled.

Other than the fact that it rained quite a bit, the trip across I-80 was uneventful. If you've made that trip, you already know that southern Wyoming is really nothing to blog about.

We rolled into Fort Collins about 20 minutes behind schedule, partly due to the weather, partly due to an accident on Highway 287, and partly due to having to wait for a freight train. Aaron was working, as way my other brother Sam, so Sam's old friend and business partner Andy⁰¹¹ picked me up. Andy was like Sam's lost twin growing up, so I know him pretty well. I got reacquainted with his son Tristan, who I probably haven't seen in three years. He's four now, and a cute kid. Gets it from his mother, apparently.

Andy took me to Aaron's apartment, where there was a spare key hidden, as promised. I let myself in and did a little unpacking. Not quite an hour later, Aaron showed up with my nieces, Mikayla and Jordan. They were happy to see me, though Jordan, as normal, took a while to warm up to me. We went out to get some groceries and a couple of videos, then came back and spent the evening eating half-pound hamburgers and watching Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.¹⁰⁰ I love being with the girls. And Aaron too, for that matter.

Aaron had a work thing on Saturday morning, so I had the girls for much of the day. We went to a park and played on the toys. Then we went back to the apartment, did a little minor housework, and got cleaned up for the evening's upcoming festivities.

Due to an unforeseen situation that arose on Friday, Mom found out that something was going on for the weekend. So Sam, in damage control mode, told her that he and Aaron had made reservations at one of her favorite restaurants for dinner on Saturday night. Which was the truth, as far as it went. He did not, of course, mention that a limousine was coming to pick them up.

Aaron dropped us off at the limo company, which was run by someone he went to high school with. The girls and I got in the limo—a stretch Hummer—and rode to the Homestead. We pulled in just ahead of Sam and Kendra (his sig. ot.), and only Dad initially saw the limo. Mom had only seen Sam's truck, so she was surprised to see 30+ foot maroon Hummer awaiting her. Mikayla and Jordan got out, and Mom was happy to see them. I waited a few moments before emerging. Mom was taking a picture of the limo, and I walked into it. I've never had much talent for entrances, but I nailed that one.

Mom, of course, had no idea that I was coming. Nor did she have any idea that Al and Marilyn, our across-the-street neighbors for many, many years, were coming, either. They pulled in right behind Sam and Kendra. So the nine of us piled in to the limo and headed off for The Armadillo in La Salle, Colorado.

On the way over, conversation turned to other friends and relatives. Sam lied extremely convincingly about how he had either not been able to contact them or how it had never occurred to him to ask them to come. I couldn't have pulled it off. As DS9's Garek said, "Lying is a skill like any other and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly."¹⁰¹ I've never been any good at it. I'm usually the silent partner in any conspiracy. Silence, I can do.

As we pulled up to the restaurant, Mom looked out the window and saw Aunt Liz, one of the aforementioned 'uninvited' relatives. We got out, and Mom was soon set upon by a large number of long-lost friends and relatives, many of whom neither she nor I had seen in ten years or more. This went on for twenty minutes or so, with Mom's amazement growing ever greater. Finally, someone suggested that we all go inside so we could start the party. Naturally, there were another dozen or so people awaiting her inside. Final tally: 48 family and friends in attendance.

And she had no clue it was coming.

The party went on for three or four hours, as I recall. Everyone was meeting new people and renewing old friendships. Mom was in the center of it all, of course, being congratulated on and thanked for a long and very successful career as a teacher. Many of the people in that room, including both of my brothers, had had her as a teacher at some point.

What a night.

The following morning, we got a call from Mom saying that they'd buy us breakfast if we met them at the IHOP just a few blocks from Aaron's apartment. We made our way over and found about 15 family members gathered. I mention this occasion only because of how things actually played out with the bills being settled. I was sitting next to one of my uncles, whose name is Mike. Across from us were the girls, who call me Uncle Mike. So there was a little confusion. Anyway, when ordering, Aunt Rosie (Uncle Mike's wife) requested a separate ticket. Dad was having none of this and instructed Aaron to get Uncle Mike's bill from him. When Aaron initially tried, Uncle Mike saw it and whisked the bill away. Aaron very cleverly made as though he was just reaching for some more coffee, so Uncle Mike's suspicions were allayed. Then, when he wasn't paying attention, Aaron swiped the bill and gave it to Dad. Just a couple of minutes later, Uncle Mike got up and headed (presumably) for the restroom. In fact, he headed straight for the store manager and secretly paid the bill. By the time the waiter got there with Dad's Visa, it was fait accompli. We are a sneaky lot, all of us.

The girls and I joined Mom and Dad for games, family time, and the eating of cookie dough for the rest of the evening. Aaron, Sam, and Kendra joined us for burgers and dogs for dinner. We thought too late about breaking out one of our favorite family games, Balderdash. By the time the idea came up, it was already too close to little girls' bedtimes. I said goodbye to Mom and Dad, and Mom thanked me again for coming. Aww, 'twernt nothin'. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

The bus back to Utah, for some strange reason, was scheduled to leave Fort Collins at 1:30 in the morning.¹¹⁰ That's right, O-one-thirty hours.¹¹¹ Thankfully, I got about three hours of sleep before leaving and managed to sleep most of the way to Rock Springs as well. For those not familiar with the territory, sleeping through it a good thing. I got home around 11:00 in the morning, which gave me time to do some productive things during the day and still get some rest.


And now, faithful reader(s), life is pretty much back to normal. For those of you that I got to see, it was a pleasure. And for those than I didn't, I hope to see you again soon, or at least some day.


--
⁰⁰¹ Greyhound was the most economical option. There are no more really cheap flights from SLC to Denver since the new airport went in, and it would have cost me around $230 in gas to drive the Dreadnought there and back.

⁰¹⁰ For those who haven't done much of it, it's nice to have someone relatively normal and/or hygienically pleasant to sit next to on long bus trips.

⁰¹¹ A couple of years ago, they bought a semi and trailer and started a small trucking company. They call it "A-S Hauling". Their logo is a grinning donkey. You figure it out.

¹⁰⁰ I've now added that series to my List of Books I've Got to Read Some Day When I Have Time.

¹⁰¹ Which is not to say that Sam is a liar. He's a good, upstanding, genuinely nice guy. But he's got a much better poker face than I'll ever have.

¹¹⁰ The other options were to board a bus in the afternoon which would have put me back in SLC after my bus stops running, or a bus that left at 4:30 a.m. and that took two transfers and sixteen hours to make the trip. No thanks.

¹¹¹ What does the 'O' stand for? Oh my gosh that's early!

Black Ops

I'm going to be incommunicado for a few days. I'm going out of town this morning on a covert mission, the nature of which I am not presently at liberty to discuss. I should be back on Monday. I'll give you all the details then.

Until that time, please ignore reports of unusual activities and/or occurrences in third-world countries. It's not me.

Friday's Feast III: The Search for Blog

Friday's Feast, 10 June 2005.

Appetizer Name one thing that made you sad this week.
Not sad so much as disappointed; I didn't do as well on my Math test last Friday as I had thought. I got nickeled and dimed by little details to which I was not paying enough attention.

Soup What was the last object (not person) you took a picture of?
The Dreadnought. (For the unfamiliar, that's my vehicle, a 1989 Suburban.)

Salad Who do you talk to when you need help in making a decision?
My family. Not only are they great listeners, they actually have both the desire and the ability to help me through difficult decisions.

Main Course If you were a weather event, what would you be, and why?
I'd be a summer thunderstorm from where I grew up. They may look threatening for a few minutes, but they blow themselves out and move on in a few minutes. My temperament can be like that sometimes.

Dessert Suggest a website that you think your readers would enjoy visiting.
Army of Dorkness. It's a sort of three-headed monster of a specialty blog dealing with science fiction (i.e., Star Wars, Star Trek, Babylon 5, etc.), fantasy, comic books, role-playing gaming, and other such geeky stuff. I have the profound pleasure of sharing it with my two oldest, closest friends.

Karmalicious!

On Tuesday nights, the command crew at work usually numbers three: myself as shift manager, the QA manager (Jack), and one of our production supervisors. The supervisor who normally works on Tuesday nights is on an extended trip to Kahl-ee-for-nee-ah, though, so our other main evening supervisor is filling in.

Evening shift starts at 3:00 p.m. most of the time, which means that Jack and I need to be there by 2:00, and the supervisor needs to be there by 2:30. It was about 2:20 when I got a call from the substitute supervisor saying that her car was having problems, and that she was waiting for a friend to come jump start her car. She told me she thought she could be there in an hour or so.

So we got the shift started without her. Time passed, and by 5:00, I was starting to get a little annoyed. Just then, the phone rang, and it was her. (It was she? I don't know.) She said the friend had still not showed up, and she didn't have money to take the bus. She wondered if we really needed her that night?

One of the things that the production supervisors handle is nightly attendance. They record who arrives late, who calls in sick, and who simply no-shows. And we had a bunch of them—19 no-shows, to be exact.^* I had taken care of most of the rest of the attendance issues and the job performance tracking, but had done very little of my own job. So yes, I told her, we needed her. She told me where she was, and I went to pick her up.

The shift ran pretty smoothly after that, and we were done with what we had to do a bit after 8:00. I had mentioned in the drive back from her apartment that I had jumper cables.^† She asked if I'd be willing to take her and her sig. ot. to pick up the car.^‡ I took her back home, picked him up, and drove us out to where she goes to school. It's a technical college in West Jordan, and it's officially out in the middle of freakin' nowhere.

We got out there and discovered that the neutral safety switch would not disengage. In other words, we couldn't put the car in neutral to push it to where I could get my cables to it. But the SUV parked diagonally from it belonged to a man who happened to be in the parking lot on his cell phone. He turned his vehicle around, and we managed to get the car jumped.

On the way from her apartment to work, the supervisor had offered me dinner (since she couldn't offer me gas money, she said). She repeated the offer on the way out to the school. I politely declined; it was going to be later than I cared to eat by the time we got back. Besides, I had brought lunch/dinner to work.^± So she said she'd save me a plate for tomorrow's shift. Yeah, okay.

Well, she actually did. When I saw her at work last night, she told me there was a plate in the refrigerator for me. So, once the training session was done and the new recruits^¥ were out the door, I checked it out. There were two pieces of fried chicken, along with peas, spiced rice, and sweet potatoes with cinnamon. It was heavenly.

Sometimes, it pays to be helpful.

--
^* Or about one-third of the scheduled shift. One out of three people just decides to skip out on work? WTH?

^† With a car as old as mine, I'd be a fool not to.

^‡ It's got a trick hood latch, and he is apparently the only one who can get it open.

^± For the curious, it was Hamburger Helper. Actually, it was the store brand equivalent. Am I white trash, or what?

^¥ I had five scheduled for training. They all showed up, and they all passed. A good night all around.

Stock Market Lotto

For my Business Finance class this semester, the professor is having us play a little game. We each have $100,000 in virtual cash to invest in the stock market. We have to put together a portfolio of five stocks and track their progress for the next nine weeks. Each week we'll turn in a spreadsheet showing how our stocks are doing compared to their starting prices. We'll also compare the gains or losses of our portfolio to the S&P 500 index. Then, at the end of the semester, we'll turn in a report on how our stocks did overall and what we learned from the process.

I tend to be pretty conservative where my money is concerned. I'm not a big risk-taker in general, and I typically think of gambling as a tax on people who are bad at math. So in choosing my stocks, I looked for a couple of things. First, I stayed away from companies in high-risk industries: airlines, pharmaceuticals, and so on; i.e., no Pfizers. Second, I looked for established companies, those that have been here a while and whose history suggests they're here to stay; i.e., no Enrons. Third, in looking at these stocks, I looked at the year-to-date performance ratings listed in the Wall Street Journal for each. Finally, I made it a point not to choose stocks in any company for which I had previously been employed. There are emotional connections there that might cloud my rationality.

When all was said and done, I ended up with the following:

250 shares of Aetna (AET) @ $79.75/share
525 shares of Barnes & Noble (BKS) @ $38.19/share
1125 shares of Motorola (MOT) @ $17.74/share
880 shares of Safeway (SWY) @ $22.52/share
311 shares of Lockheed Martin (LMT) @ $65.06/share

My total portfolio value, on opening day, stands at $99,996.01.

One interesting part of this first week of the assignment was to look up volatility ratings, called Beta Values, for each stock. The higher the Beta, the more volatile the stock is, which means that you stand to lose more than average if the market tanks. Beta for the whole market is defined as 1.00. The Betas for my stocks were 0.95, 0.50, 1.30., 0.90, and 0.70, respectively. I ended up with a weighted average Beta score of 0.87. This (ideally) predicts slow, steady growth that is relatively safe from market fluctuations. This also reaffirms what I said earlier: I tend to be pretty conservative where my money is concerned.

I'll post weekly updates to let those who are interested (if any) see how I'm doing. Wish me luck!

I'm Tired...Tired of Being Admired....

Long day today. I tried to sleep in this morning, but my body was being uncooperative. Fine. There were things to do, so I got started. I updated my paperboy list, printed out the routes, and started organizing things. I'll do the rest of the organizing tonight and the actual deliveries tomorrow before I leave for work. Yes, I've got another training class tomorrow, nine to two. Again, I've got nine contestants scheduled. We'll see.

Then it was off to school. Tuition was due today, and due to an ongoing debate with the Financial Aid department, I actually had to walk in with a check. Even though I only have one class on Fridays, and it starts at 12:30, I left early so as to allow plenty of time to wait in line at the pay window. When I arrived there, I found exactly one person in line. Of course, this was at around 10:45 in the morning. When things got closer to the end of the day, I'm sure the panic factor set in and the lines grew longer. It pays to be punctual.

That left me with an hour and a half until the next significant event. I had my first exam of the semester today, and unless I am very much mistaken, I nailed it. I finished it 15 minutes early, and there was only one problem on which I felt uncertain. Part of that uncertainty is due to the fact that it involved more than the basic level of trigonometry, and I had trig in 1985. My professor for this class is actually a grad student, so he's a good deal younger than I. If he's even as old as his late 20's, that still means that he was probably in grade school when I took trig.

Then I came to work, where I am now. We have an unusual shift running tonight. We have exactly one project we're calling on, and the client insists that we don't call between 5:30 and 7:00 EDT. So everyone, including the supervisors, had to sign out for an hour and a half because there was nothing else for us to do. Actually, I took advantage of the time to get ready for the training session tomorrow. I've done everything it is possible to do in advance.

And to fill in the rest of the time, I decided to do a little blogging. My name is Michael, and I'm an addict. Or maybe I'm just compulsive. Whatever.

So, two more hours, then reports, then the short drive home, then organizing the newsletter for tomorrow's dropoffs. And then, I hope, a good, solid night's rest. We'll see.

Sci-Fi Meme Madness!

You are Commander Jeffrey Sinclair!
Tall, handsome and a hit with the women, you know
everything there is to know about the station.
While some would call you foolhardy for your
daring deeds, others have no doubt that you're
a true hero.


Which Babylon 5 Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Minbari Ambassador Delenn. You are
spiritual and easy to spend time with. There
are parts of your character that people don't
usually see, however, and they tend to
underestimate your strength.


Which Babylon 5 character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Captain Sheridan
You use your resources to your fullest, always
taking a small defensive force and turning it
into a strong offensive force. You also carry
with you the pain of a dear lost love.


What Babylon 5 character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Captain Malcolm Reynolds, aka. Mal or
Captain Tightpants. You saw most of your men
die in a war you lost and now you seek solitude
with a small crew that you are fiercely devoted
to. You have no problems being naked.


Which Firefly character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Book, the Shepherd. Your goal in life is to
make a difference in the world, whether through
God or some other means.


Which Firefly Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Interesting results, I thought. All of them seem to indicate some sort of leadership role: Shepherd Book (spiritual leader), Mal (ship's captain), Sinclair (The One that was), Delenn (The One that is), and Sheridan (The One that is to be). Looks like lots of fun in my future!

Batting .333

Last night, like most Wednesday nights these days, was a training session at work. We had nine people scheduled to attend. Nine new faces, nine pieces of fresh clay for me to mold and shape into competent, productive members of our little family. Ah, the joys of teaching.

History told me that I could probably expect between five and seven of these fine folks actually to attend. We typically have about 25-35% of any given class not show up. One or two, on any given day, may even call us to let us know they're not coming and/or reschedule, if I'm particularly fortunate. The rest just seem to vanish into the ether. Oh, sure, they may call to try to get into a training session a few weeks later, but experience also shows that if the No-Show the first time, they'll most likely do it again. At that point, they become someone else's problem. They can reapply again in six months if they're desperate.

Even with all of this, last night's events were a little odd.

When I arrived just after 2:00, I found that two of the night's contestants had already called in to reschedule. How refreshing! That meant that my group would number seven at most.

My first recruit showed up at around 2:35, 25 minutes before the training session was to start. That's pretty typical, actually. Then two more came in, for a total of three. A couple then joined us, raising our ranks to five. By this time, it was almost 3:00, so I was ready to write off the other two and run with the five we had. I left momentarily to make a final sweep of the training room.

Not entirely surprisingly, we had one more person show up at around 2:59:48. More surprisingly, though, I discovered that the aforementioned couple was no longer in the waiting area. I looked out the window just in time to see them driving away.

Final count: four out of nine.

Well, almost. The training session is divided up into three phases: Policies and Procedures, Quality and Production, and Computer Training, with two short breaks in between. I end the Policies and Procedures part with a tour of the facility, during which I explain (among other things) which parking areas are ours. I then encourage them to move their cars, if necessary, so that Harry (the landlord from the nether realms) doesn't have their cars towed away. So we finished the tour, and I watched the four of them head for the parking area.

One of them never came back. Revised final count: three out of nine.

If you're batting in the top half of the order for a Major League Baseball team, three-for-nine is a pretty good road series. For a situation where you're literally waiting to hand people a job, though, it's pretty pathetic.

Our training sessions are not a guarantee of employment; there is a skills test that potential recruits have to pass before being offered a job. But it's not a hard test. It's open book, for one thing, and for those items that are covered, the lesson plan is such that I all but say "This is going to be on the test." So when someone fails it, it's a little sad. Still, I have a little leeway in this matter. If I think a candidate can handle the job, I can hire them even if the didn't pass the test.

Two of our three survivors scored perfectly on the test last night. The third failed it—not badly, but failed it nonetheless. Still, I was inclined to be generous. Heck, at that point, I would have given all three of them the job, regardless of their test scores, just for sticking it out until then end. We can fix most technique and/or skill problems if people will just bother to show up.

So I hired all three of the survivors. I left messages for the two who had called in letting them know when the next couple of classes will be. The no-show's file was placed into the bottom drawer of our filing cabinet, where we keep things like that. So were those of the abandonments. Additionally, these three were filed under the proverbial "N" for "No longer my problem" (or "Not going to be hired as long as I'm doing the hiring", if you prefer). I have absolutely no use for people who quit that early into the process.

The final score stands as follows:
No Shows: 1
Reschedules: 2
Abandons: 3
New Hires: 3

Sometimes one-for-three is the best you can do, I suppose.

...And What Am I Doing In This Handbasket?

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Purgatory
You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

Take the Dante's Inferno Test