Auld Lang Syne

It's now fairly late on Thursday evening, and the plans for the weekend have become clear. We're headed up to Montana for Granny's funeral. We're leaving tomorrow morning for a quick stop at the chiropractor's office, after which we'll pick up a bite to eat. Then we'll be on the road, by 9:00 if all goes according to plan. It's about a 7-7½ hour drive, plus a few stops for the sake of stretching legs and maintaining sanity. So we hope to be in Pony by about 6:30 or 7:00 tomorrow evening.

The funeral service itself will be held at the Whitehall LDS ward on Saturday at 11:00. After that we'll make our way back to Pony, where Granny will be laid to rest next to Aunt Dona at the Pony cemetery. According to her funeral arrangements, which she had planned out and paid for long before she died, Granny wanted me to perform the dedication of her grave. I'll have to get out an old priesthood manual and double check the protocol for that, never having done it before.

The practical upshot of all this is that this is the last entry I'll be making for 2006. It's been an interesting year, truly the best of times (getting married, college graduation) and the worst of times (stress with Old Girl, not finding a regular teaching position, losing Granny). I had thought to reflect more on the past year, but this will have to be sufficient. I do intend eventually to finish the Thanksgiving story I started earlier and report on Christmas, including The Haul (following the examples of Dilliwag and Lord Mhoram). And I've actually come up with a resolution for 2007, something I really never do. More on that later.

But for now, I bid fond farewell to 2006. Thank you, loyal readers, for being there to share it with me. Best wishes for a safe, peaceful, and happy New Year for all of you!

Prophetic

You might remember, in my post a few days ago, I said that "it's entirely likely that this was the last time I'll see Granny in this world." You might also remember that I reported that "Aunt Anne and Dad kind of summed it all up: she'll probably make it until Christmas, but it'll be a miracle if she makes it to Easter."

And so it is. Granny died this morning—Christmas morning—around 5:00 at Aunt Anne's house in Bozeman, Montana.

I had my phone on silent mode this morning, and when I thought to check it around 10:00, I saw there was a message from my mother. I listened to it, and it just said, "Give us a call," with no further explanation. I didn't figure it was anything that important. I'd talked to my family yesterday (that's when everyone there was able to get together) and we'd talked about everything that had been going on. I just figured that Mom wanted to talk to us on Christmas Day proper, that sort of thing.

Then, around 10:45, my phone rang again. This time it was my brother Aaron. He was the only family member I hadn't talked to yesterday (long story), so I figured he was calling to share holiday greetings. I answered and said "Merry Christmas" and he said the same, and I asked him how the holiday was treating them. "Not very good," he said. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, "Uncle Jim just called. Granny died this morning."

We talked for a few more minutes, and then Nancy and I talked for a few minutes, and then we called my parents and talked to Mom. She's handling things pretty well, being very philosophical about it all, but I can tell she's hurting, too. And rightfully so.

We almost lost Granny in October of 2001, as I mentioned in that earlier post. She had an obstruction in her lung and was too weak for them to perform surgery. It was only a matter of time until her body gave out, the doctors had told us. But after receiving a priesthood blessing, her condition improved dramatically, and she was out of the hospital in just a few days. But this time, it was not to be.

Granny was eighty-eight years old. She lived a full and active life, involved in educational, religious, and civic groups even as recently as a couple of years ago. She traveled widely. She sewed and quilted—the Christmas table runner we have on our kitchen table right now is one that Granny made. But family was always most important to her. She raised four children, and had nine grandchildren and five great-grandchildren (with more to come, as Nancy said). She spent a lot of time the last few years doing genealogy and family history research. One of her children, my Aunt Dona, died more than 20 years ago. Now Granny has joined her.

I was talking about all of this with Mom this morning. I mentioned that we had almost lost her before, and she said, "That's right. But after that, her quality of life was never quite the same." And Mom was right about that. Her Alzheimer's was more and more profound every time I saw her these past couple of years. She looked old, and frail, and sickly, a stark contrast to the active and energetic woman I've known my whole life. The energy and spark and fire that has always been there in her eyes has been fading these past few years. She was no longer the woman she had been. She wasn't really herself anymore. Now she's free of all that.

Mom told me that Dad had once again summed things up pretty well: "It's bad for us, but it's good for her."

So goodbye, Granny. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Thank you for loving me, for being an example to me, and for letting me know in no uncertain terms when I was out of line. Thank you for expecting the best of me, and for never letting me be satisfied with less. Thank you for being proud of me, and for being someone I was proud to call family. Thank you for introducing me to the Gospel. Thank you for teaching your children how to be good and loving parents. Thank you for being my Granny. You will always be my Granny.

Yes, it hurts now, and I will miss you. But in my heart I know, as certainly as I know anything, that one day I will be with you again. I hope that between now and then I can make as much of my life as you made of yours. May God keep you and give you rest until that day.

Monday, December 25th, 2006

Holiday Joke

I'm giving a talk in church in just over an hour, and I'm starting with this little story.

Joe was a long haul truck driver who found himself on the road one Christmas morning, far away from his home and family. He pulled into a familiar truck stop and was greeted by Mavis, a waitress who'd known Joe for more than ten years.

Mavis smiled brightly as he took his customary seat at the counter. "Merry Christmas, Joe," she said. "The usual?"

"Merry Christmas, Mavis," he answered. "No, I think I'll try something different this morning, being Christmas and all. Let me see a menu." Joe hadn't ordered anything but pancakes and sausage in years.

After looking at the menu for a bit, Joe decided to he was going to try the Eggs Benedict. A few minutes later Mavis brought him his holiday breakfast with toasted English muffins, Canadian bacon, and poached eggs, covered in hollandaise sauce, all served on a big, shiny chrome plate with a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice on the side. It looked and smelled delicious, but Joe was surprised at the presentation. "Hey Mavis" he asked, "What's with the fancy plate?"

"It's tradition," she answered. "Don't you know, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise?"

Happy hollandaise, everyone!

Not the Ususal Memes

Instead of Friday's Feast or The Music Memoirs, I'm making my own memes this week, based on a couple of e-mails I've received recently. Enjoy!

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Don't be a scrooge!!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
- How about hot chocolate with a little egg nog in it?

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
- Most of Santa's presents are wrapped and under the tree (or in/ under the stocking), but a few are left unwrapped just for the 'Wow!' value of seeing them sitting there in the morning.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
- We had big colored lights when I was growing up. I haven't really had a tree in my own home/apartment for the last several years. We're hoping to change that this year.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
- Not usually. Never really had a good reason.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
- Absolutely no earlier than the day after Thanksgiving under any circumstances. Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving (or even Halloween, like I saw this year) is one of my ultimate pet peeves. Don't do it!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
- Goldenrod eggs, the traditional family Christmas (and Easter) breakfast.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
- I can't really identify anything specific; I just remember the excitement of getting up early to see what Santa had brought us.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
- I think I learned it about the same time I first saw "A Christmas Story", and I was so shocked I almost shot my eye out.
(Okay, I made that part up. I really don't remember when or how.)

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
- We never did when I was growing up, but my new extended family does.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
- This is an interesting question, since this is our first Christmas together. I like a lot of lights, and Nancy has a lot of ornaments. So our very first Christmas tree looks a lot less bare and a lot more like a 'family' tree than I'd dare to hope. If I can ever figure out how to make our digital camera work, I'll see about getting some Before and After pictures of the tree.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
- Love it! I especially love waking up to the calm and quiet of a morning after snowfall. I'm not particularly thrilled about driving in it, mostly because of the way everyone else drives. Slow down already!

12. Can you ice skate?
- I have successfully ice skated in the past. Whether I could do so today...?

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
- I don't have a specific memory of a favorite gift as a child.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
- Family. Especially as an adult, the holidays have always given me a reason to think about, and an excuse to get together with, my family.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
- Does egg nog count as a dessert?

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
- Whenever I have Christmas with my family in Colorado, my niece Mikayla passe out presents, one to each person. Then we each open our gifts in turn, show them off, and render thanks to the giver. Repeat until the presents run out.

17. What tops your tree?
- We have a gold star on top of our tree. I think Nancy said she got it in England.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
- Yes.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
- "O Holy Night". I love all the different renditions of the song, all the ways different performers interpret it. Among my favorite versions are those done by Mannheim Steamroller, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
- Meh. I can take 'em or leave 'em.

--

Welcome to the Christmas edition of Getting To Know Your Friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (NOT Forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to
you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you..

'Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
- Wrapping paper. I'm a traditionalist.

2. Real tree or artificial?
- Real tree. See above.

3. When do you put up the tree?
- The weekend after Thanksgiving. That way you get to enjoy the tree for as long as possible without disrespect for Thanksgiving, which is an important holiday in its own right.

4. When do you take your tree down?
- First week in January. Even with good watering, a tree starts to become a fire hazard after that.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
- Nothing specific comes to mind. I think we got bikes one Christmas, and that was pretty cool.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
- Yes, we have a small one that adorns our coffee table.

8. Hardest person to buy for?
- The nieces. They're growing up so fast and I have so little contact with them, it's really hard to keep up with their interests.

9. Easiest person to buy for?
- Nancy. I'd figured out what I was getting her months ago.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
- Again, nothing specific comes to mind. I don't remember ever getting coal in my stocking.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
- Christmas cards? Rats! I knew I was forgetting something....

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
- The original animated "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". "Scrooged" is also a favorite.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
- If the resources are present (no pun intended) and I have an idea what I'm getting for people, I'll start shopping in July or August. I hate last-minute gift shopping.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
- You mean 'regifting'? Doesn't everyone? I seem to remember getting something really hideous at an office gift exchange and saving it for a year to give away at the next office gift exchange.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
- In recent years, the traditional holiday meal at my parents' house has been prime rib. It makes for an interesting alternative to ham or turkey. Tasty!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
- Colored lights, hands down.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
- O Holy Night.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
- I've generally traveled at Christmas to be with family, but staying home sounds better and better each year. I guess I'm getting tired of driving 400-500 miles in winter conditions to be with family.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
- The original eight: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.
- The most famous reindeer of all: Rudolph
- The one my Dad was telling us about even 20 years ago: Olive (As in, "Olive, the other reindeer....")

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
- Gold star, handmade.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
- Christmas morning. If we'd started opening presents on Christmas eve, we'd never had got to sleep, and Santa would never have been able to make his midnight visit.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
- The fact that people are now starting to celebrate it before Halloween. Have a litle perspective, people!

Not According to Plan

Here it is, less than a week remaining until Christmas, and I haven't even recorded our experiences from the Thanksgiving trip yet. Got to fix that.

Note: This is one of those long, potentially boring travelogue entries that shows up here from time to time. Be warned. -M

Road trips are always interesting. You plan and prepare and try allow for unusual events and unexpected happenings, but in the end, it's all pretty much a crapshoot. This Thanksgiving weekend, we came up snake eyes.

First, a bit of pre-trip information. My one surviving grandmother (my mother's mother, or "Granny") is getting on in years. She's 88 now. Granted, her mother died in 1998 at the age of 102, so genetically, there's every reason to believe she's still got some time left. Unfortunately, she's been developing Alzheimer's Disease. A couple of months ago, the decision was made to place her in an assisted living center. It's a nice enough place, and they allow her to keep her dog there with her.

With her move to the home, the question arose about what to do with her car, a 1990 Dodge Dynasty. The decision makers decided they'd offer it to us. So part of the Thanksgiving trip, in addition to seeing the whole famn damily and enjoying a little time away from it all, was going to involve picking up the car and driving it back from Montana to Utah.

In the weeks leading up to the trip, we tried to keep in contact with everyone about the status of the car and figure out how we were going to get up there. We considered flying, but that was prohibitively expensive. We considered driving the Dreadnought up and towing the other car back with it, but rental of a towing apparatus was more expensive than gas would have been just to drive the car back separately. We thought about driving Nancy's car up and driving both cars back, but neither of us was particularly excited about driving the entire way back in separate cars.

So we (meaning I) came up with the brilliant idea to rent a car to get us there and to drive the Dynasty back together. Nancy was a little skeptical about this idea (as was I, but not as much) because we weren't getting a lot of solid information back on the condition of the car or what had been done to get it roadworthy after sitting in Granny's garage for several months. So I talked to Dad about getting a one-way rental and the odds of actually being able to get the Dynasty back successfully. He said he thought it was worth taking the chance. So I took the leap of faith and booked a rental from SLC to Bozeman.

Wednesday

Wednesday morning came around, Nancy went to her half-day of work, and I took a bus to the airport to pick up the rental car. Avis gave us a Ford Taurus, which was fairly roomy and had a CD changer. I got back home and started to pack. Nancy arrived shortly thereafter and we got everything organized and into the car. We hit the road at exactly 3:00 p.m.

The first hour of the trip was a joke. We had traffic delays pretty much all the way through Sale Lake and up into Ogden. The roads were dry and there were no accidents that I could see, but traffic was still slow. We made it 47 miles in the first hour of our trip—on the Interstate. I don't recall ever seeing so many people driving so slowly for no readily apparent reason in my life.

Once we got past Ogden, though, we started to make good time. By 5:00 p.m. we were up to 120 miles, so we'd managed to pull our average up to 60 MPH. (Do the math, it's not that hard.) It was starting to get dark by the, but with good road conditions in our favor, it wasn't a big deal. We got to Idaho Falls around 6:30 and took a bathroom break, grabbed a couple of beverages, and topped off the gas tank. Then, with Nancy driving and me making sandwiches with the supplies we'd brought, we were back on the road. We got through Island Park, a beautiful 20-mile stretch of northeastern Idaho where the speed limit changes every few miles from 65 to 45 and back again. The turn to Idaho 287 snuck up on us and we nearly missed it, which would have landed us in West Yellowstone. But we saw the sign in time, made the turn, and before we knew it, we were crossing into Montana. We made it past Ennis and Norris and into Harrison, where we turned left onto the Pony road. We pulled up next to the Pony Cabin at almost exactly 10:00 p.m. 418 miles in 7 hours flat. Not bad.

We were greeted by my brother Sam, cousin Dan, and the smell of smoke. It seems the two of them had had some difficulty with the old wood burning kitchen stove in the cabin, the main difficulty being that they had tried to build the fire in the water compartment. So we greeted each other while arrangements were made to air out the cabin (no small issue, considering how cold the outside air in a Montana mountain town tends to be in late November). After resolving that issue we sat down with Dan, Sam, Sam's sig. ot. Kendra, and my niece Mikayla and played Cranium and card games until about one in the morning. Thus began our Thanksgiving vacation.

Thursday

Thursday morning began with a trip to Bozeman to return the rental car. We were supposed to return the car by 10:00 Thanksgiving morning. So, after getting up and having a bit of breakfast, Nancy and I followed Dad out of Pony into Harrison, back to Norris, and thence along the mountain road into Bozeman. It started to snow as we approached Bozeman, and the roads got a little slick. The rental car's windshield wipers, which we hadn't needed to use the previous day, turned out to be less than impressive. Nevertheless, after a brief, cold, and snowy stop to top off the tank, we made it to the rental car area at Gallatin Field just a bit after 10:00.

I couldn't find the Avis counter.

Dad couldn't find it either, so we asked the friendly folks at one of the other counters. They told us the reason we couldn't find Avis was because they weren't there. They were off-site, about a mile down the road leading into the airport. So we saddled back up and made our way to the Avis office. They weren't concerned that we didn't make the 10:00 deadline, which was cool. I didn't have the rental agreement with me when we returned the car—it was in one of my 'carry on' bags back in Pony—but they weren't concerned with that, either. They took down my information and thanked me for my business. Mission accomplished.

From there we went to pick up Granny for the day's festivities. Dad drove us to the center where she lives and we went up to her room to get her. She called out to us when we rang her bell but didn't come to the door. So I went to find someone who could let us in. The lady back at the front desk arranged to have someone meet us at her door. Moments later, we were in and talking to Granny.

I should mention here that I'd been growing a goatee since UEA weekend (October 12th or thereabouts). It had become nice and full, albeit a little more grey than I'd prefer. And it had itched for several days at one point. But by T-day I was used to it. Imagine my surprise when Granny didn't recognize me. I was speechless; Dad had to tell her who I was. Alzheimer's or not, that shook me up a little. I shaved it off the following morning.

Nancy helped Granny pick out and put on a nice outfit. Then we headed back to Pony. Once we got there, Granny said hello to everyone and socialized for about half an hour. After that she said she was feeling tired and wanted to lie down. We didn't see much of her for the rest of the day.

I reflect on this, knowing that it's entirely likely that this was the last time I'll see Granny in this world. When she checked into the assisted care home they ran her through a complete physical. She had fought leukemia for the last five years or so—something I didn't know about until just recently. She'd been in remission, but the physical showed that she had started to relapse. And if that weren't enough, they also found a lump one of her breasts. The adults were talking about all of this afterwards. Aunt Anne and Dad kind of summed it all up: she'll probably make it until Christmas, but it'll be a miracle if she makes it to Easter.

I could write an entire post about Granny, and probably will, one day. It's not like I see her a lot, or that we talk on the phone every week, or anything like that. Truth be told, I don't keep in touch with any of my relatives outside my parents and brothers as much as I should. But Granny is different. Se introduced me to the LDS Church, which has changed everything in my life since. And she's my last remaining grandparent (well, except for step-grandma Dorothy, who I haven't seen in years). So it's sobering knowing she won't be here for very much longer. Of course, We were supposed to lose her a few years ago when she was hospitalized for a lung condition, and she obviously survived. So you never know. But something tells me we won't get the happy ending this time around.

I guess that's as good a place as any to take a break in the narrative. I'll pick things up with Friday morning in my next post. Yes, there's more. -M

Return on the Memes

Part I: Friday's Feast
Friday's Feast for Friday, 15 December 2006.

Appetizer What was your very first job with a paycheck?
Fry cook at Wendy's. How cliché, I know. I should have become a lifeguard like Dilliwag and my brothers, but I could never get the kick right on the breaststroke, so I could never progress past one of the classes I needed for that.

Soup Did you ever lose something really important to you?
Yeah. But I found a new one, even better, and then I married her.


Salad What is the best Christmas present you ever received?
If there's a better one than when Nancy gave my Firefly last Christmas, I can't remember it. This year I introduced her to Babylon 5. ::crosses fingers::

Main Course Tell about a favorite "hang out" place for you and your friends when you were in high school.
Church. No, seriously. I was something of an outcast at my own school, so a lot of the friends I had were from the church I attended in Greeley. I remember a lot of fun church youth activities, as well as just getting to see everyone again on Sundays.

Dessert Name something that always brings a smile to your face.
The knowledge that the Oakland Raiders aren't going to the playoffs this year. Again. :]

--

Part II: Top 5 On Friday
Top Five on Friday from The Music Memoirs:

Top 5 Musical Mishaps (Things that you've done, or artists have done that are a big Whoops!)

» John Rutsey
A founding member of Rush, he quit the band in 1974 citing health concerns and 'creative differences'. After Neil Peart took his place, Rush became hugely popular and successful, with a worldwide fan base that still supports the band more than 30 years later. Rutsey became an amateur bodybuilder.

» Chris Gaines
This would have been an outstanding move as a singer and an actor for Garth Brooks—if it had worked. Maybe Garth gave the industry, and his fan base, a little too much credit.

» "Surviving Nugent"
A vegan and animal rights activist agrees to go on a reality show hosted by Ted Nugent. What was she thinking?

» The Beatles
I know Curtis mentioned this, but Yoko Ono. Enough said.

» The Ditzy Twits Dixie Chicks
They were the hottest thing in country music, poised to go on an Alabama-like run, until they started making political comments that alienated their fan base. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't mean you can bite the hands that feed you with impunity.

Get In Line!

My politically correct holiday greetings really generated some buzz. I got a couple of agreeable responses and the obligatory "Bah Humbug!" But the most interesting response was this:

What about all the other people out that aren't either one, by choice of course?

What do you mean, 'aren't either one'? Are you serious? This is America. We have a two party system here, have had for decades. That's the way we do it. 'Neither'? Not possible. You've got to be one or the other. Right wing nutjob or left wing nutjob, those are your options. And if you're somewhere in the middle, then pick a side and get the heck off the fence already.

So line up. You know the drill: Democrats on the left, Republicans on the right. It's where you belong, you know. Face it, if you're so far to the left that even the Kennedys can barely see you, you don't want to be a Republican. Conversely, if your political leanings put you somewhere between Ted Nugent and Attila the Hun, you already know you don't belong with the Democrats. What's the big deal?

You say you don't believe in what the Parties are doing? Well, pardon me for being so pragmatic, but does that have to do with anything? Pick one and go along. People do it all the time.

Let's say you're a tax-happy socialist with defeatist tendencies, but you still want your Republican friends (and campaign contributors!) to like you. No problem! Become a RINO. You can party with the right and still soothe your conscience with a trip to the left once in a while. Hey, if it's good enough for John McCain, it should be good enough for you!

But if you're a warmongering imperialist who'd rather stay the course than admit you might—might—have made a mistake, that doesn't mean you can't still be a Democrat. Join the new generation of Blue Dogs! You can be just liberal enough to party with the left, and still cater to the right from time to time. Everyone's happy, everyone wins!

And if none of this appeals to you, you still have this option: find the party (or person) you like the least, and join the other side. Are you convinced George W. Bush is, in fact, the great Satan? Then you're a Democrat. Do you think having a Clinton back in the White House will be the end of civilization as we know it? Could you BE any more Republican? Remember, the enemy of my enemy is my friend!

So there you have it. Forget all this talk about a 'broad political spectrum' and 'moderates' and 'purple'. No such thing. Right is right and left is left, and never the twain shall met.

Now, be good little sheep and get back in your boxes, okay?

Holiday Greetings

I got this in my e-mail today. It made me smile, and I thought it might make some of my readers smile, too. If not, sorry.... -M

To My Democratic Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of Western calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual reference of the wishes.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Three for the Price of Two

Part I: Friday's Feast
Friday's Feast for Friday, 8 December 2006.

Appetizer Which language would you like to learn and why?
I took two years of Spanish and have forgotten most of it. I'd like to pick it back up again. Being able to speak Spanish would make it a lot easier to communicate with a lot more people, especially students, in this area.

Soup What's the funniest thing you've heard or read so far this week?
The following teaser comes from Fark.com":
"If a woman was pregnant at 14 and divorced by 18, is she most likely to be: A) On welfare? B) A hooker? C) D.C.'s next chief of police?"

Salad Which movie was so bad you couldn't watch the whole thing?
No comment. I got in too much trouble the last time I answered a question like this.

Main Course If there were a holiday in your honor that didn't use your actual name, what would the day be called?
Substitute Educators Day.
(Yes, I know I just posted a link to the NEA. I'm sorry.)

Dessert Name one movie which is coming out soon that you would like to see.
Charlotte's Web. I loved the animated movie as a kid and it'll be interesting to see how they do it as a live action film. And the cast looks fantastic.

--

Part II: Top 5 On Friday
Top Five on Friday from The Music Memoirs:

Topic A: Top 5 CDs you'd like to find in your Christmas stocking this year.

1.
The Cars Soundtrack
Worth the price of admission for the Sheryl Crow and Rascal Flatts tracks, IMHO.

2.
The Day by Reckless Kelly
It's the only RK studio album I don't have. Gotta complete the collection!

3.
1962-1966 (The Red Album) by The Beatles
I've still got this on cassette somewhere, I think. Time to upgrade.

4.
1967-1970 (The Blue Album) by The Beatles
You really can't have one and not the other.

5.
Earthbound by Rocket Scientists
This one's kind of a pipe dream. I've been trying to find it for a couple of years now, but it's been our of print since 2001. Every once in a great while I'll find a used copy for sale, generally in the $35-$45 range. In my most recent search I couldn't even find that. All that seems to be available now is downloads, which would give me the music but not the liner notes. I'm kind of weird like that. I should have just bought it when I first learned about the band!

Topic B: Top 5 songs written by or performed by John Lennon.

1. "All You Need Is Love"
How different would the world would if people actually believed this...?

2. "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)"
This was one of the first songs to teach me how important what's not being said can be.

3. "Free As A Bird"
4. "Real Love"
I'm glad the remaining band members decided to record these two songs, using John's old cassette recordings to include his voice. It was good to hear the whole band again, twenty-some-odd years later. Jeff Lynne (ELO, Traveling Wilburys) deserves a lot of credit for producing the two tracks, too.

5. "Revolution"
I'm not really a big fan of protest songs, but John hit the nail on the head with this one:
"But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out"

BCS Busted...Again

Once again, we've come to the end of the college football season, and the national championship is once again up for grabs. For the past decade or so, the Bowl Alliance and its successor, the Bowl Championship Series (BC$), have used three different opinion polls and numerous computer ranking systems to achieve its stated goal of setting up a true national championship game. Last year was a classic example of how the system should work. The two best teams, USC and Texas, met in the title game and played a classic, down-to-the-wire thriller. It was a wonder to behold. It was also, unfortunately, an exception to the way the BCS normally works...or more properly, doesn't work.

It's about time that everyone admitted that the BCS doesn't—and can't—really do what it claims to do.

In some cases, like in 2004, there have been too many good teams. Auburn won the SEC, arguably the toughest conference in college football year in and year out, with an undefeated record. Unfortunately, they started the year ranked 17th and were never able to catch up to USC and Oklahoma in the polls. So they missed out on the championship game. We never got to see how good they really were.

This year is the opposite case: there aren't enough good teams. There are only two undefeated teams in major college football: Ohio State and Boise State. However, since BSU plays in a mid-major (i.e., a non-BC$) conference, they can't really be considered a legitimate candidate for the title game. So Ohio State's opponent will be one a one-loss team. Three candidates presented themselves: USC, Michigan, and Florida, ranked in that order. All USC had to do to get a berth in their third consecutive title game was to beat arch-rival UCLA in their season finale. Win and they're in.

Heaven forbid it should be so easy.

USC choked. The Michigan Wolverines, the next highest-ranked team, were idle, having suffered their one and only defeat in the season finale against Ohio State the previous week. The Florida Gators, meanwhile, won a tight contest with Arkansas in the SEC championship game. It was generally accepted that Florida would have to blow out its last two opponents, including Arkansas, to jump ahead of Michigan in the BCS standings. But when the dust had cleared and the final rankings were out, the human pollsters had chosen conference champion Florida over Big 10 runner-up Michigan, and the Byzantine BC$ rankings system gave Florida the edge for the title game by one one-hundredth of a point over Michigan. Meanwhile the Wolverines, by all accounts a more talented and overall better team than the Gators, were relegated to the Rose Bowl against USC. Not a bad gig, to be sure, but not the national championship game and not the rematch with Ohio State that Michigan fans wanted and probably deserved.

Let the analysis and the debates begin. Again.

There is, of course, a simple way to prevent all of this controversy: Institute a playoff system.

There is a great deal of resistance to this idea in major college football, especially among coaches and administrators in the BC$ schools. It would make the season too long, they say, and have a negative effect on their student-athletes. This is an interesting argument, considering that Division I-AA, Division II, Division III, and the NAIA all use a playoff system to decide their national championships in football. The real issue, I suspect, is that a playoff system would cut into the lucrative payouts (averaging $10-$15 million per team) these schools currently enjoy with the BC$ arrangement. Prestige is probably an issue too. No offense, but who really wants to play Boise State if you can get a shot at someone like, say, Nebraska instead?

A playoff system would work. It is doable, and if I were in charge, here's how I would do it.

First of all, I agree that 12 games plus a playoff system is probably too much. For those who end up in the championship game, it's the equivalent of an NFL regular season. So I'd cut the regular season from 12 games back to were it stood before this year: 11 games, plus conference championships in conferences like the SEC, ACC, Big XII, MAC, and CUSA.

Second, I'd keep the existing bowl system intact as much as possible. There's a lot of tradition in college football, and there's no reason to do away with it completely. After selecting the tournament participants, fill in the bowl games with the rest of the field. Make it sort of a football equivalent to college basketball's NIT.

Third, I'd invite a field of 16 teams to the tournament, with the following conditions:
  A) All 11 conference champions get an automatic bid;
  B) The next five highest rated teams in the BC$ standings get an invitation, as long as they have at least 8 wins.
  C) No conference should have more than two teams in the tournament.

Fourth, I'd seed the teams from 1 to 16 as follows:
  A) The top eight seeds would go to the eight highest rated conference champions in order of ranking. An independent school like Notre Dame or Navy could also be included in the top eight seeds if they're ranked among the top seven conference champions.
  B) The remaining conference champions and the at-large teams would be seeded 9-16 based on BC$ ranking, then on record.

The top eight seeds would host the first round of playoff games. Translation: If you want to play at home in the playoffs, you need to win your conference.

The first round of the playoffs would be held in the middle of December, allowing teams time for their student-athletes to finish the fall semester. The second round would be held the following week, with the highest ranked remaining teams hosting.

The semifinal round of the playoffs would be held on or near New Year's Day. These two games would be played at two of the four sites now hosting BC$ bowl games. The winners of these two games would play for the national title a week later at a third BC$ bowl site. The two losers would play for third place the day before at the fourth BC$ site.

Complicated? Not really. Here's how my playoff system would work this year. First, the seeding:

1. Ohio State (Big 10 #1, 12-0; BCS #1)
2. Florida (SEC #1, 12-1; BCS #2)
3. Southern Cal (Pac-10 #1, 10-2; BCS #5)
4. Louisville (Big East #1, 11-1; BCS #6)
5. Boise State (WAC #1, 12-0; BCS #8)
6. Oklahoma (Big 12 #1, 11-2; BCS #10)
7. Notre Dame (Ind., 10-2; BCS #11)
8. Wake Forest (ACC #1, 11-2; BCS #14)
9. Michigan (Big 10 #2, 11-1; BCS #3)
10. Louisiana State (SEC #2, 10-2; BCS #4)
11. West Virginia (Big East #2, 10-2; BCS #14)
12. Virginia Tech (ACC #2, 10-2; BCS #15)
13. Brigham Young (MWC #1, 10-2; BCS #20)
14. Houston (C-USA #1, 10-3)
15. Central Michigan (MAC #1, 9-4)
16. Troy (Sun Belt #1, 7-5)

Admittedly this arrangement leaves out teams like Wisconsin (11-1), Auburn (10-2), Arkansas (10-3), and Rutgers (10-2). C'est la vie. If you want to play for the national championship, try winning your conference first. This isn't March Madness.

Anyhow, here's how I see this year's tournament going in a perfect world:

December 16th
Troy (7-5) at Ohio State (12-0)
Central Michigan(9-4) at Florida (12-1)
Houston (10-3) at USC (10-2)
BYU (10-2) at Louisville (11-1)
Virginia Tech (10-2) at Boise State (12-0)
West Virginia (10-2) at Oklahoma (11-2)
LSU (10-2) at Notre Dame (10-2)
Michigan (11-1) at Wake Forest (11-2)

December 23rd
Michigan (12-1) at Ohio State (13-0)
Notre Dame (11-2) at Florida (13-1)
Oklahoma (12-2) at USC (11-2)
BYU (11-2) at Boise State (13-0)

January 1st, 2007
Rose Bowl: Boise State (14-0) vs. Michigan (13-1)
Orange Bowl: USC (12-2) vs. Florida (14-1)

January 7th, 2007
Sugar Bowl: Boise State (14-1) vs. Florida (14-2)

January 8th, 2007
National Championship Game
Fiesta Bowl: USC (13-2) vs. Michigan (14-1)

Any questions?

Quote of the Day

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." -Will Rogers

Something to keep in mind for the holiday gift-giving season, perhaps?

The Weekly Memes

Part I: Friday's Feast
Friday's Feast for Friday, 1 December 2006.

Appetizer Have you ever flown in a helicopter?
No. Given that the only way I really see myself ever flying in a helicopter is on the way to a hospital emergency room, I hope I never do.

Soup What color is your warmest coat or jacket?
It's an olive green color. Strangely enough, it's reversible, and the reverse side is an orange-rust color.

Salad What is your favorite rainy day activity?
I love to walk in the rain. It's something I picked up while living in West Virginia. Given that I now live in the barren desert of Utah, I don't do it very often these days.

Main Course Describe your hands.
I've got big hands...not 'meaty', per se, but substantial. My fingers are long, but not freakishly so. At the moment, they're surprisingly free of cuts, bruises, blisters, or other injury.

Dessert If you could eat only one nut for the rest of your life, what nut would you pick?
Cashews. Whenever I see a bowl of mixed nuts, I always pick out the cashews first.
(Of course, some would argue that for me to eat any kind of nut is tantamount to cannibalism.)

--

Part II: Top 5 On Friday
Top Five on Friday from The Music Memoirs:

Top 5 songs that make you feel like celebrating

» "Love Shack" by the B-52's
How can you not want to party when you hear this song?

» "Princes of the Universe" by Queen
This song reminds me of hockey games in Ogden. Weber State almost always won in those days, so celebration was practically assured at the end of the evening. Great memories of fun times.

» "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett
This is my mother's favorite song. Jimmy will always remind me of her.

» "The Cougar Song" by Clyde D. Sandgren (1932)
Better known as the BYU fight song, "Rise and Shout" was one of the first songs I learned as a member of the BYU marching band. Ideally, the director wanted us to have it memorized before the opening game against Utah State, because we were going to play it every time BYU scored. The final score of that game was BYU 52 USU 0, so anyone who didn't have it memorized at the beginning of the game—like me—certainly had it memorized by the end.

» "Feels Like Heaven" by Peter Cetera with Chaka Khan
This was the first song Nancy and I danced to at our wedding reception. Celebration, indeed.

Study Ourselves

Dilliwag made the following observation over on his blog:

"The purpose of studying Buddhism is not to study Buddhism, but to study ourselves"....Isn't this the purpose of all spiritual practice?

The answer, to my mind, is yes. LDS theology certainly teaches this principle:

"...for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning." (1 Nephi 19:23)

When we read from our holy books, whatever they may be, what good does it really do us if we're not asking ourselves, "How does this apply to me?"

Inspired words, if properly studied, pondered, understood, and followed, will lead us to inspired actions. Inspired actions change us, and as we are changed, we begin to change the world.