Friday's Feast: The Morning After

Friday's Feast, 30 April 2005.

Appetizer Which keys do you have on your key chain?
I have a total of six: two for the Dreadnought, one for my bike lock, two for work, and one for my house.
(But for the curious, my favorite key is B-flat.)

Soup What is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Getting my first credit card. They were handing out t-shirts on campus at Weber State just for filling out an application, so I did. I was approved, and thus it began.
(This is probably also the dumbest thing I've ever done, or at least in the top ten).

Salad Who is the best cook in your family?
I am, because I have the Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book.
(My 'family' at the moment consists of just me, so this is not a hard question to answer.)

Main Course If you were to write a "how-to" book, what would the title be?
"How to Graduate from College In Only 19½ Years"
(From the 'your life isn't a waste, you can always serve as a negative example' file.)

Dessert Name a recent fad you've tried.
Josh Groban. I bought his Closer CD a couple of months ago.
(I'm such a musical lemming.)

Fair...?

I'm not really this cynical, at least most of the time.

"I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'What if life were fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe." -Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

My Own Verse 10

This one's rather personal. Fair warning. -M

Yesterday was a really good day, followed by a really bad night. I won't go into details, but by the time I made it to bed well into the small hours, I was feeling empty and very, very sad. I awoke this morning feeling hollow and exhausted.

For the past few weeks, I have been attending (most of) two sets of church meetings on Sundays. I go to my home ward in the morning, then come home for lunch and a bit of rest, if I need it. Then I attend a couple of meetings at a singles ward for those aged 31-45. It generally makes for a balanced, uplifting Sunday.

I didn't go to my own ward today, though. Sacrament meeting was already half over by the time I woke up from a night of tossing and turning and unsettled dreams. So I got out my journal and started writing. Then, when the time came, I got cleaned up and went to the singles ward.

One of the speakers in sacrament meeting today talked about the struggles of the prophet Elijah. She took most of her talk from 1 Kings 19:4-18. She started with verse 4:

"But he [Elijah] himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers." (1 Kings 19:4)

He felt overwhelmed by his troubles. His trials and tribulations were more than he thought he could bear. At length, he made his way to Mount Horeb and took refuge in a cave. While he was there, "behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? (1 Kings 19:9)" In other words, "What in your life is so bad that it would make you want to live in a cave?"

In verse 10, Elijah pours his heart out to God. He sees his prophetic calling, his very life's work, crumbling around him. He feels entirely, utterly alone.

"And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. (1 Kings 19:10)"

At this point, the speaker said that each of us could probably write our own 'verse 10', our own report of what makes us feel lost and troubled and alone. She even shared hers with us. She mentioned being thirty-something, having more work to do than time in which to do it, having people to please above and beyond her level of energy — or even desire. And she mentioned having been interested in the same guy for more than four years, and he's still oblivious to it. Pretty standard stuff for single adult professionals, I guess.

And I started thinking about what would be in my own 'verse 10', what troubles I would take before the Lord. It goes something like this:

"I am troubled in mind and soul and body. My mobility is limited at times by a chronic condition from which I know I will never recover. I struggle in school and sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that I am expected to know and do. There are times when I feel alone and I don't know why. And even though I try to do what I know is right, I still find myself living with the consequences of poor decisions I made almost ten years ago."

At this point in the narrative, the Lord comes to Elijah — not in a great and strong wind, not in a earthquake, not in a fire, but in a still, small voice. The Bible doesn't tell us what was said in this conversation, but it does tell us what happened next. Once again, the Lord asks, "What doest thou here, Elijah? (1 Kings 19:13)" And Elijah's answer is very interesting: verse 14 is exactly the same as verse 10. His burdens were still the same, even after speaking with the Lord.

The Lord then does something I think is a little unexpected. He commissions Elijah to go and anoint a new king and a new prophet. And he sends him away with these words: "Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him. (1 Kings 19:18)" He tells Elijah that his life's work has made a difference, and calls on him to continue that work.

I needed to hear that talk today.

There are a couple of important lessons I took away from this talk. One is that while the Lord cares for us deeply and wants us to turn to Him with our burdens, He will not always take them from us. The apostle Paul told of a 'thorn in the flesh' that he prayed three times to have taken from him. The Lord's answer was no: "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)" There are some lessons that we cannot learn except through trial and tribulation.

The second lesson is closely related to the first. It is that even when the Lord chooses not to take a particular burden from us, He will give us strength to do what is required of us regardless of the burdens we may carry. When we submit cheerfully and with patience to the will of the Lord, the voice of the Lord can come to us in our afflictions, giving us hope, and strengthening us so that we can bear our burdens with relative ease. (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 24:12-15)

So I now prepare to turn in for the night. I still have feelings of exhaustion, sadness, and emptiness, to be sure. But I also know that one way or another, things are going to be all right. They may not be in the end what I want them to be right now, but they will be all right.

Today's Music Thing

The Top Five on Friday, brought to you by The Music Memoirs.

Top five songs with a name in the title.

Kayleigh by Marillion
I never meant to break your heart, but you broke mine.

Jack vs. José by Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers
Just a bit of advice: when you stumble into a saloon in Memphis, don’t order tequila.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles
Sorry, John and Paul, but we all knew what this song was really about the whole time.

Tom Sawyer by Rush
Hey, it's the only Rush song most people are likely ever to have heard, so I had to include it.

Mariano by Robert Earl Keen
The music and the lyrics reinforce one another in telling a rather sad story. Beautifully crafted.

Friday's Feast: The Motion Picture

Friday's Feast, 22 April 2005.

Appetizer Name something that helps you fall asleep.
If I have trouble falling asleep, it's usually because I have too much on my mind. A few moments of meditation will usually cure that.

Soup Who brings out the best in you?
My friends bring out the best in me. They inspire me, motivate me, encourage me, and even set me straight when I need it. Thank you. You know who you are.

Salad What do you like to do on a rainy day?
I like to walk around in the rain. Water is life.

Main Course Complete this sentence: In our home, we never have enough...
Toilet paper. It's not that we ever run out; it's just that the other three guys with whom I now live have never lived with a woman, so they don't think to replace it when the roll runs out. Barbarians.

Dessert Which shoe do you put on first?
The left one. It's not hard to do, because I've known for most of my life that I have two left feet. (So to speak.)

Tempus Fugit

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein

(Quote taken from the Physics page at World of Quotes.)

Friday's Feast: In The Beginning

Friday's Feast, 15 April 2005.

Appetizer What was your first "real" job?
I was a cook at Wendy's. At 16, I was apparently not old enough to work the register yet.

Soup Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity?
I would go to the mountains. Being surrounded by the grandeur of creation always inspires me. Failing that, I would go to a place where I could see the mountains and not be distracted by ringing telephones, the incessant demands of daily life, and other such minutiae.

Salad Complete this sentence: I am embarrassed when...
...I am caught off my guard; for example, when someone I'm trying to impress sees me when I'm not at my best.

Main Course What values did your parents instill in you?
Dad: endurance, determination, the desire to do things the right way.
Mom: tact, diplomacy, kindness, caring - most of my people skills, really.

Dessert Name 3 fads from your teenage years.
Just one? There are so many...it was the 80's, for crying out loud. But three that come to mind include:
1. Izod shirts with the collars turned up
2. Chicago 17
3. 'Valley Girl' talk ("Like, gag me with a spoon. Totally!")

Boys Named Sioux

Many of you know that I am an ice hockey fan. My fascination with the sport began when I was in grade school, when my parents would take us down to Denver to watch the DU Pioneers hockey team. I remember being fascinated with the speed and power of the players. I recall watching games against schools I'd never heard of: Michigan Tech, Minnesota-Duluth, and of course bitter rival Colorado College.

I remember being at one game where the energy level was particularly high. A win by Denver in that game would set up a showdown the following weekend with the Fighting Sioux from the University of North Dakota. Near the end of the game, with a Pioneer victory firmly within reach, I remember seeing a large banner someone had unfurled:

Bring On the Boys Named Sioux!

I was reminded of all this while I was watching the NCAA hockey championship this evening. Denver won their second consecutive title by defeating North Dakota 4-1. It was a great game to watch, the outcome in doubt until almost the end. UND had more shots on goal, but DU's penalty killing unit was nearly perfect and their goalie was amazing - especially considering that he's a freshman. Both teams have several players that I think can look forward to a long and successful career in the NHL.

If the NHL ever comes back.

Shoot Feast and Ask Questions Later

Friday's Feast, 8 April 2005.

Appetizer What is a symbol that inspires you?
The symbol for infinity (the little 'sideways-8' thing) inspires me. It puts me in mind of eternity and of the endless possibilities of life. It reminds me, like Horatio, that there is more in heaven and earth than our philosophies even dream of.

Soup Name something (either serious or funny) that has happened in your life that you would consider a miracle.
Well, there was the time that my brother and I were off-roading in Montana and he drove us off the side of a mountain. We went straight down the very steep hillside, knocking down small aspen trees like wheat before a combine at harvest time. We were headed straight for a large tree, and we ended up not hitting the trunk, but fitting the front of Mom's Jeep almost perfectly beneath the lowest branch. It was a good thing, too, because had we missed that tree, we would have hit a field of boulders shortly thereafter. Neither of us were hurt, just a little frightened. The Jeep suffered only cosmetic damage; my family drove it back to Colorado three days later. Talking later that night, my brother and I talked about how many things went right in that situation, when they could have gone very badly wrong. I consider that a miracle.

Salad How do you handle criticism?
Poorly, in most cases. I tend to get angry and/or defensive at first. Then, when I've taken time to think about it a little, I tend to become very self-critical. It takes a while to establish an equilibrium. Fortunately, most of this goes on in my head, so nobody else ever knows about it.

Main Course Complete this sentence: I feel alone when...
. . . I'm standing in a room full of people I don't know.

Dessert Name one TV show you wouldn't want to be caught dead watching.
Just one? Wow, there are so many worthy nominees. But, for the sake of simplicity, I'll go with The O.C. . . . or pretty much anything else from the FOX prime-time lineup, for that matter.

Morning Musings

I read this in today's The Daily Humorscope: "You will make the startling discovery that most of the lawyers and judges in your county have been possessed by demons. In fact, they weren't kidding when they said that possession was nine tenths of the law...."

And in this morning's e-mail I got the following: "Hey - some polygamist mentioned that the world will come to an end today [April 6th]. Just in case, it was good knowing you. So long and thanks for all the fish."

As mentioned in the article above, yesterday marked the 175th anniversary of the founding of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which is not the same church as the group with the compound in Texas, let's just make that abundantly clear). Given that the Church started out with six members in 1830 and had a total of 12,275,822 members at the end of 2004, and using the standard exponential growth equation P = P₀×e^rt, the Church has experienced an average growth in membership of approximately 8.3% per year over the past 175 years. For the curious, you can find an explanation of this process at EcoFuture.org.

I also read today that the FDA has asked Pfizer to take its painkiller Bextra off the market due to concerns that it could increase the risk of heart attack and stroke. For the curious, here's something to consider: all drugs have side effects. All of them. The fact is, we just don't know enough about the chemistry of the body to produce drugs that will alleviate symptoms without having other effects. Remember that the next time you need to take an Advil.

And now, we return you to the rest of your day.

Endurance

In the opening session of General Conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke about a sign found hanging by a rusty staple from an old barbed wire fence:

Burned out by drought.
Washed out by floods.
E't out by jackrabbits.
Sold out by Sheriff.

Still Here.

I guess sometimes the key to victory is just staying in the game.

Dead Tree Edition

One thing we Latter-day Saints are encouraged to do is to keep a journal, a life history to pass on to our posterity (if any). And I've never been much good at it. Well, I suppose that's not exactly true. I have been good at it for short periods of time, from time to time. But sustained journal writing is not something at which I've ever excelled.

That's part of what has been so surprising about the last year or so. When I began blogging, I never imagined that I'd keep up with it as well as I have. Next month will mark a full year of Michael's Random Musings / The Road Goes On. It's actually been a lot of fun.

I've been using the blog as a journal of sorts. I've made it a point to record my observations and opinions of various events and issues, in addition to the various memes and entries of that ilk. And at the end of the month, I go up to the education building on campus, where printing is still free, and print out the month's entries. I add these to an ever-expanding notebook, and that has served as a journal of sorts.

There's only one problem with this approach. Sometimes, there are experiences or feelings that I want to record, but don't feel comfortable sharing with the cyber-word in general. No offense, loyal readers, but there are some things about me you just don't need to know.

This weekend is one example. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is holding its annual General Conference. I have often made it a point to take notes during the various talks, but I've been limited in being able to watch all the sessions due to work conflicts. This time, however, I didn't have to work at all, so I decided I'd get back into the habit. The notes I make are sometimes rather personal, dealing with very specific challenges, struggles, or mistakes that I'm fighting to overcome. So I don't think it would be appropriate to put that sort of information up on the web for every Tom, Dick, and Johann who wanders by to see.

Then, almost as a revelation, the answer came to me. I remembered that I still had an actual journal - manufactured from processed tree carcasses - that I could use. I even had a good idea where it was. So after the briefest of searches, I dug it out and have begun to put it to use again.

I already feel good about this arrangement, and early indications are that this will be a good combination. Maybe this is the time that it'll stick.

To Feast Or Not To Feast

The e-mail notification I got this morning said, "You'd be a fool not to participate in this week's Friday's Feast."
I am not a great fool....

Appetizer Describe your week in one word.
Routine. All is as it usually is, and essentially as it should be.

Soup Tell about a funny practical joke that you've played on someone (or that was played on you!).
I sent everyone I knew Christmas cards one year for All Fools' Day. I got a lot of interesting letters back, some of which congratulated me on a great joke, and at least one of which expressed concerns about my sanity.

Salad Name someone you had a crush on when you were a kid.
When I was in high school, I briefly had a crush on a girl named Jackie that I went to church with. But she was a popular girl, so that was pretty much the end of that.

Main Course If you were a member of royalty, what would your title be?
Royalty? I thought we were an autonomous collective....

Dessert What colors are the clothes you are wearing today?
Blue and white: high-top athletic shoes, jeans, a button-down Oxford shirt, and a necktie that looks like a sea bass. (It's my traditional tie for the day.)

Army of Dorkness

My friends Derek, Curtis, and I have started a new group blog dedicated to all things geeky. If you enjoy fantasy literature, science fiction, comic books, role-playing games, and/or other such diversions, come on over and check us out.

Army of Dorkness

That is all.